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By ringhider - 08/10/2010 16:55 - France

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 656

You deserved it 6 968

By not a dumbass pothead - 08/04/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 808

You deserved it 46 750

By thissucks - 21/02/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 605

You deserved it 3 424

By SomeoneElse - 14/07/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 352

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 11:17 - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 062

You deserved it 2 608

By ...... - 08/10/2011 02:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 540

You deserved it 3 776

Neighborhood watch

By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - 03/10/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 610

You deserved it 3 294

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 000

You deserved it 12 179

By Teenagegirl - 26/03/2012 04:11 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Spicy

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 422

You deserved it 4 297

By LizP40 - 27/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 038

You deserved it 9 422

Lazy ass

By Anonymous - 23/04/2015 17:04 - United States - Cherry Hill

Spicy

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 789

You deserved it 3 328

By anonymous - 30/01/2010 00:08 - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 163

You deserved it 7 111

Dumbass

By GEE, THANKS DAD - 28/09/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 434

You deserved it 8 473

Signposting

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 2 502

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 519

You deserved it 5 266

You're going to hell

By he's not the one going to hell - 12/09/2014 21:11 - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 227

You deserved it 3 425

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 13:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 508

You deserved it 11 394

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 999

You deserved it 6 744

By Noname - 17/03/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 620

You deserved it 7 883

By mobigomo - 27/05/2015 06:48 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 3 027

mobigomo tells us more.

mobigomo 5

Thursday 28 May 2015 11:15

Honestly it was 100% my fault I teared. Going deep in the realm of TMI this is pretty much what happened. I didn't have an epidural so I was feeling the "ring of fire" like a mofo but he had told me to hold off on pushing for a moment because he was trying to relubricate and massage me open more so I could push my sons head out. Would have worked fine if I hadn't had a crazy intense contraction which made me push extremely hard while his fingers were in there, which made me tear right through. He did an amazing job stitching me up. Really after he realized who I was his interest was more in how I healed and if he stitched me up ok. Apparently he was super new and it was only his 4th day working in the hospital as an attending doctor. He was great though. I was really happy with my experience overall, except for the tearing through to my butthole part.

By evecamp - 10/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 132

You deserved it 5 958

By embarrassed4life - 25/06/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 90

By Shame - 19/09/2012 20:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 131

You deserved it 3 609

By crunkdrunk - 31/05/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 596

You deserved it 57 305

By HiImAlfredo - 14/09/2014 18:47 - United States - Hampton

Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 7 420

By Forded - 01/09/2010 23:11 - United States

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 946

You deserved it 3 685

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 718

You deserved it 3 356

By ants9omarching - 10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 582

You deserved it 5 942

By Stressed Mother - 18/03/2015 21:26 - United States - Piscataway

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 062

You deserved it 6 010

See ya

By Emily - 14/02/2011 20:25 - France

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and who knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night… It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 976

You deserved it 7 388

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The Top

The Top

Today, at work, a customer asked where the shovels were. I tried to ask him if he was looking for snow shovels or regular shovels. It came out, "Are you looking for show snovels?" He then awkwardly said he was looking for snow shovels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 169

Today, our bus crashed and my boyfriend, who I'd already caught ogling the blonde next to us, threw out his hands and stopped the blonde from falling over. Meanwhile I, with hands full of shopping, was left to smash my teeth into the chair in front of us, breaking 4 incisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 135

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 52 199

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 170

You deserved it 5 594

Today, a customer yelled at me because we didn't have any laptops in stock. I work at a clothing store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 119

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 285

You deserved it 7 992