Intimacy You have been warned

You have been warned

PUA - 15/03/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2013 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

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Meet the in-laws

Anonymous - 13/11/2021 19:59

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML

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quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

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daniel55 - 18/02/2013 00:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

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Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

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Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

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Thousand-yard stare

timiscuous - 20/04/2020 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML

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pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

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Love and threats

soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

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TronCat8230 - 20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

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Trembelwick 5

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:02

Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!

xii_clueless 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 5:03

Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]

allison25545 3

Thursday 15 March 2012 11:21

At least he thinks you have a massive dick

Pajanimal 1

Thursday 15 March 2012 11:28

As the father of two girls, I think it's ******* creepy when men do this. Of course their heartbreak hurts me, but this is less about love and more about territorialism. It's like those terrible virginity dances they have in the US.

hobosapien081 10

Thursday 15 March 2012 11:33

Dude, never call him ex-Marine... it's former Marine...

go_Banannas0814 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 11:59

Just be the beat boyfriend ever and you won't have to worry.

Joshawott 21

Thursday 15 March 2012 12:04

Fair enough. Better remember his warning xD

Meme1988 18

Thursday 15 March 2012 12:10

Wow, say over protictive much?

ILpalmtree 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 13:31

No such thing as an ex-marine

SoultheWolf 19

Thursday 15 March 2012 13:31

I think people are blowing this out of proportions. Think about it, A LOT of people may talk big and say something like this. I personally have seen dozens of people say it. But they almost never act apon it. Now if you were to get her pregnant thats another story...