Intimacy What a dick

What a dick

Anonymous - 03/11/2011 07:29 - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

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Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

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You have the same voice!

EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

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mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

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iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

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Uh... Okay?

Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

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Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

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ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

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_schaden_freude - 27/12/2015 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

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Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

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Yikes!

Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

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damadrappa 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

Someones jealous

GuitarFail123 9

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

wow... thats umm interesting to say the least....

TooKool_4Skool 5

Sunday 11 March 2012 0:00

He's probably right.

summer49 0

Saturday 24 March 2012 7:12

I just puked a little

abbymiguel 2

Tuesday 15 May 2012 21:15

Was the dad hot?

gracevet88 0

Saturday 9 June 2012 4:03

Pedophile O.o

blinkingstarlet 15

Wednesday 27 June 2012 18:20

IdleGear 0

Monday 13 August 2012 4:54

Why call? Have both, having a father and son will save on travel time atleast!

DrAtomic 0

Wednesday 22 August 2012 20:40

Run. Run far away and never look back.

MelDawg0406 0

Wednesday 5 September 2012 4:40

That is creepy asf! Lmao!

kittenzZz 4

Saturday 3 November 2012 19:39

If he was attractive I'd take the offer after you and your boyfriend broke up

nhi1221 9

Friday 7 June 2013 23:08

Pedophile much ?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I confidently answered a question in a meeting, only to realize everyone was staring at me because I’d misunderstood it completely. My boss gently rephrased it while I nodded like that was my point all along. It absolutely wasn’t. FML

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Today, I realized that after decades of crappy retail jobs, when I left my last one praying to God that I'd never have to work retail again, I got my wish. Brain surgery put me in a wheelchair for life and I can do very little with my limbs. Be careful what you wish for, perspective is everything. FML

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Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

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Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus. Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12. FML

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Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

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Today, I realised something awful. I'm in two wonderful loving ethical non-monogamous relationships and I can and do occasionally enjoy a one-nighter or more outside of these. It hit me - I miss cheating. FML

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