Sex, Food Intimacy Turned on - FML

Turned on

Anonymous - 04/04/2009 10:57 - Denmark

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
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Hidden secret

anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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Mr Floppy

rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

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Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

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anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

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Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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Priority number one

soooyeah - 30/04/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

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That was quick

Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

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Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

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weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

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Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

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mrnicety 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:04

That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny

Saluton 18

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:05

uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.

Velocininja 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 15:14

The only way to a man's heart, is through his stomach, ROFL

aeternuswar 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 15:56

Yeah, why did you ask him? shoulda just gone down on him. this ones your fault

nevabnormal 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 21:27

hahaha mine would ask "can you get my a glass of water"...jerk

mustkill46 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 13:59

this has to be one of the funniest ones ive read.

suckerz 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 19:33

ok you need to learn more about guys... getting hard while sleeping rarely has anything to do with sex...

stuart1010 0

Friday 10 April 2009 21:32

#3 best comment ever

QJD 0

Saturday 11 April 2009 0:00

Well ice cream is pretty arousing......

qwerty123456789 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 22:26

LOL @ #129

playful2088 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 4:28

hahah. well i hope you brought the him the mint ice cream and accidentally spilled it onto places it could be licked off of ;)

Firemonkrey 0

Friday 17 April 2009 6:28

LOL at #34 this guy is truley a master mind, ice cream first then sex. Cuz I don't think it works the other way.....rofl

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

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Today, I actually feel good about my decisions and my life. I've even started running to improve my health, and recover from self harming. My girlfriend is convinced I'm running to hurt myself, and won't let me near any health food or the treadmill. FML

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Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

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