Kids: Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer...

By potatoebee - 03/04/2012 18:19 - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

agreeclassic 16 736

vote type 1 27 259

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

agreeclassic 32 571

vote type 1 12 185

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

agreeclassic 39 587

vote type 1 4 706

Sunday funday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 01:30

Today, my 6 year-old daughter decided to let out a loud fart in the middle of a quiet church service. FML

agreeclassic 644

vote type 1 420

By mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

agreeclassic 39 200

vote type 1 3 239

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

agreeclassic 10 879

vote type 1 19 323

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 20:51 - United States

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

agreeclassic 30 141

vote type 1 4 047

By sbutler - 14/07/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

agreeclassic 22 454

vote type 1 51 306

By MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

agreeclassic 48 059

vote type 1 6 864

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

agreeclassic 370

vote type 1 220

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

agreeclassic 49 496

vote type 1 16 142

Jakesterk96 8

Wednesday 4 April 2012 0:18

Bend down? How tall do you think a 4 year old is?

Lexiloulynn 2

Wednesday 4 April 2012 0:13

I wonder why he bit your butt in the first place...

Comments

poseidon5213 2

Wednesday 25 April 2012 18:25

kids so the darnest things!!!

amyrules99 7

Sunday 29 April 2012 15:44

How churchy of you...

drumrgonewild 2

Sunday 17 June 2012 5:54

He bit your butt?!? Wow....

jsunder 0

Tuesday 10 July 2012 23:41

Well that sucks haha

otisnme94 14

Tuesday 22 January 2013 20:08

That's why you don't waste time going to church

ViviMage 39

Sunday 14 July 2013 21:18

The little butt-munch!

CoriCat 25

Saturday 5 April 2014 20:00

You curse and you go to church..? Guess they all know the real you now.

thatguynamedsky 32

Thursday 5 March 2015 23:17

surprised you didn't moan ;)

shotgun_girl 17

Saturday 31 October 2015 22:13

Why is your first instinct to curse at your kid? And people wonder why 3-4yr olds swear.

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

agreeclassic 26 057

vote type 1 5 048

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

agreeclassic 7 578

vote type 1 2 864

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

agreeclassic 14 466

vote type 1 30 276

Today, my 15 year-old daughter has been with her boyfriend for about a year. I really wish they would break up. Not for the typical father reasons. My daughter is just like her mother, my ex. She’s clinically depressed and hides it well. He’ll be miserable just like I was. The breakup would be for him not her. FML

agreeclassic 204

vote type 1 394

Today, I drew the short straw to play Santa at the office Christmas party. As I bent down to give my coworker a gift, my "Ho, ho, ho!" turned into "Ow, ow, ow!" because I threw out my back. FML

agreeclassic 437

vote type 1 128

Today, I’ve been looking for a new job for a while now, after being at my current job for 6 years. I was offered an interview for a job I was really excited about. I went to text my boyfriend about the job interview and ended up sending the text to my boss instead. I guess the cat's out of the bag. FML

agreeclassic 293

vote type 1 1 148

Similar FMLs

Sunday funday

Parroting

TOP COMMENTS

Comments