Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock...

By Stormbringer - 01/02/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

agreeclassic 33 468

vote type 1 4 120

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By andromeda80 - 28/03/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

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By peepeepainter - 07/01/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

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By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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By WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

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By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

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By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

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By Will - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

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By Spelit - 13/08/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

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x_Cupcakes 0

Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:10

Black and yellow! (:

DahkLohd 4

Tuesday 1 February 2011 19:03

You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.

Comments

kirakush13 4

Sunday 3 June 2012 14:10

I cover my boyfriend's penis pretty well; yellow CAN cover black.

bunhop74 16

Saturday 27 July 2013 21:53

Said the Asian xD

poprocks1999 6

Sunday 29 September 2013 6:28

Try using a lot of white primer!

dreamweaver1227 11

Saturday 25 January 2014 21:06

What a dick of a person for doing that.

drayloon 50

Monday 24 February 2014 9:07

Once you go black...

Vaati_fml 20

Friday 9 May 2014 0:01

This is why I hate the human race.

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

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Today, I found out my Chemistry professor failed me on purpose, all because she’s still salty about me dating her ex-husband. This was well over a year ago. You’d think someone with a PhD would be mature enough to move on and stop being a bitter bitch. FML

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Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

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Today, my mom texted me, “I just want you to know I love you very much.” Touched, I replied, “I love you too, Mom!” Her next message said, “Oops, wrong person.” FML

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vote type 1 63

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