Miscellaneous: Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old...

By OopsMonkey - 13/09/2011 13:43 - Netherlands

Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML

agreeclassic 28 047

vote type 1 4 224

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Nice day for it

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML

agreeclassic 34 101

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Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

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By fionnathehuman - 09/10/2012 22:56 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

agreeclassic 25 334

vote type 1 3 859

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

agreeclassic 48 902

vote type 1 5 976

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

agreeclassic 36 266

vote type 1 3 187

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 08:00 - United States - Temecula

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

agreeclassic 46 992

vote type 1 6 009

By dani0810 - 22/01/2013 11:39 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 35 220

vote type 1 5 508

By Vitani_Verci - 15/01/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

agreeclassic 22 978

vote type 1 1 783

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

agreeclassic 4 097

vote type 1 499

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

agreeclassic 38 345

vote type 1 15 926

YaboyVinnie 21

Tuesday 13 September 2011 18:52

So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?

MaskingTape 2

Tuesday 13 September 2011 18:52

What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?

Comments

crystalxa 35

Tuesday 24 September 2013 22:47

I've swallowed a few dimes back in the day. Im sure everyone has had that happen to them.

notoriginalname 4

Sunday 18 May 2014 17:32

I don't always say this,but,im sorry,but your kids gonna be one stupid teenager

sharond23 10

Monday 1 January 2018 5:59

your kid obviously has a problem. maybe he needs help?

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Today. my nana got a text from my dead grandad's phone number. His phone was stolen about 3 weeks before he died, but the shock of suddenly getting a text from him after the funeral gave her a heart attack. The doctor says with her other health issues, she might not make it through the night. FML

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Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

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Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

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Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

agreeclassic 36 201

vote type 1 5 308

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