Intimacy, Health, Mental health Wanker That would be really great

That would be really great

Anonymous - 19/04/2024 14:00 - United States - North Brunswick

Today, I actually googled whether masturbation could induce weight loss. FML

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Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! …

Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

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Can't be bothered

Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

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Missing

SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

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RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

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Don't attempt this

jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

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anonymous - 16/11/2010 22:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

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That slaps!

Kelli - 08/04/2020 02:00

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

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jai90 - 03/02/2014 21:16 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

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chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

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MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

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Chazzster 29

Friday 19 April 2024 20:19

It would be if you went for a long walk first.

wrecklesswfire 3

Saturday 20 April 2024 21:53

well? can it?

Chazzster 29

Friday 19 April 2024 20:19

It would be if you went for a long walk first.

rick 10

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:55

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

rick 10

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:56

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

rick 10

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:56

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

wrecklesswfire 3

Saturday 20 April 2024 21:53

well? can it?

jkjorn 16

Monday 22 April 2024 15:48

asking for a friend, right?

Birthday Cops Customers Work Love Crush Kids Anniversary Clothes Health Mental health Parents Disney Music Relatable Argument Miscellaneous Politics Friends Awkward Painful Intimacy NSFW Cute Money Ironic Geek Coworkers Books Family

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

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Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

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Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

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Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

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Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

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Today, I was talking with a friend and somehow the topic of Albert Einstein popped up. He started referring to Einstein as American and I laughed. I then realized he was serious. My IQ has dropped even further from Einstein's as a result of this. FML

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