Animals, Sleep, Cats Scary Surprise, human!

Surprise, human!

Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

398

102

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! …

Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

41 676

4 799

Metal Cat

Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

738

127

Rise and shine

Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

1 571

285

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

949

338

Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

1 380

580

Revenge will be sweet

Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

874

450

Wake up call

Anonymous - 22/05/2026 14:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML

274

crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

11 206

1 584

Wake up, human!

inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

12 060

2 363

Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

4 167

489

The_Real_Cvh 10

Monday 22 April 2024 17:28

Fatality!!!

FluffythePink 23

Tuesday 23 April 2024 7:30

Ah, the joy of cats...

The_Real_Cvh 10

Monday 22 April 2024 17:28

Fatality!!!

FluffythePink 23

Tuesday 23 April 2024 7:30

Ah, the joy of cats...

d j mom 9

Tuesday 23 April 2024 15:02

hahahaha! welcome to the life of having a fur baby that loves you!

Birthday Cops Customers Work Love Crush Anniversary Kids Clothes Health Mental health Parents Disney Music Miscellaneous Politics Relatable Argument Friends Awkward Painful NSFW Intimacy Cute Money Geek Ironic Books Coworkers Family

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

50 378

25 235

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

870

116

Today, I was in a public bathroom, when a little boy walked in and he had an 'accident'. He asked if I could help him clean it up, so I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

50 140

6 678

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

1 728

137

Today, I made the mistake of being competent at chores, so according to my wife I’m trying to show her up, because I don’t appreciate her contribution to the household, and I secretly think she’s useless, blah blah. I had a day off so I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Lock me up, I’m guilty. FML

559

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

11 480

7 526