Intimacy Spread the word - FML

Spread the word

JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Ben - 25/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

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man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

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Stuff

BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

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Feed me with your kiss

Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

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BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

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WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

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Jesus wept

chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

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Get the hell out of there

Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

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Oh no oh no

jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

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lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

Maximus16 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 0:25

jaja what did u say back?

jrod_fml 0

Wednesday 8 April 2009 18:47

What? She went that far to prove that YOU were a sinner? ****.

sabbs 0

Saturday 11 April 2009 0:27

LOL

IMz0r 0

Saturday 11 April 2009 1:36

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..." Ah, and #226 is right. This is a joke, albeit a twisted one.

XxXBiZZoXxX 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 23:58

id have been like depends on if ur going to keep going or not

furrylala 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 3:07

LOL wtf..........

fprater 0

Friday 17 April 2009 1:54

ROTFL X 100000 sry....that's phucked up and i usually NEVERY COMMENT on anything but this one i couldn't resist....what esle happened?? I.MUST.KNOW.

Redweezl 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 13:57

I bet you turned religious if you werent! hahaha

fmylife1016 0

Monday 20 April 2009 11:38

Bahahahaah. lmao!

xhopefulsecretx 0

Monday 20 April 2009 19:01

You should have shook your head and said, "**** Jesus." See where that got you.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I celebrated my 30th birthday by accidentally knocking my fiancée’s tooth out with her glass as she tried to a sip. FML

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Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

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Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

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Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

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Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

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Today, I’ve been getting increasingly more threatening calls and texts all day from the wife of the guy I was seeing. I had no idea she existed, and even sent her screenshots of the texts he'd sent me saying he was single. It didn’t deter this psychopath one bit. Now I’m scared to leave my house. FML

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