Sex, Romantic Intimacy Sexy talk

Sexy talk

hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

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Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

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Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

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Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

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You tried

Anonymous - 24/08/2021 14:01

Today, my wife finally agreed to try anal. Unfortunately, it was too hot in the apartment so I couldn't focus and I kept going soft. FML

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Non sequitur

lisacasabonita - 12/11/2010 16:31 - United States

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML

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Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

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The inner light

Anonymous - 21/09/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML

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fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

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The language of love

disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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not impressed - 09/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

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The_Water_Ninja 9

Sunday 7 July 2013 10:35

sounds charming...

datgamerchick 14

Sunday 7 July 2013 10:35

Sounds like we know what's cooking for dinner!

mosquito19 14

Sunday 7 July 2013 22:15

you should've tell him he's having chilli dog today.

buckdharma 37

Sunday 7 July 2013 22:59

He sounds pretty rare to come off with such a raw comment. If you grill him for awhile it could be well-done.

mazor 22

Sunday 7 July 2013 23:04

Hamburger is nice though ;)

Laith 12

Monday 8 July 2013 0:06

Lol then wait for the mayonnaise!

avapaige1234 19

Monday 8 July 2013 1:48

I don't know about you, guys, but I think this is the creepiest "romantic" line I've ever known.

duckit 0

Monday 8 July 2013 2:40

Lucky guy

Pussycat86 18

Monday 8 July 2013 4:00

The nickname should be hotdog rather than hamburger I think

thatgirlkat 9

Monday 8 July 2013 4:31

Exit only.

89bronco 9

Monday 8 July 2013 4:56

That is hilarious, although when it comes to those things women should know guys will come up with stupid ass names

mccrightp 29

Monday 8 July 2013 5:18

You should show him the (back) door for saying that!!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I picked up my car after I got it painted. As I backed up in the parking lot, my car scraped against a pillar. Now I have to put it right back in the shop. FML

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Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

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Today, I found out while pet-sitting that a white cat is no easier to see in the dark than a black cat. I also found out that this particular cat doesn't take kindly to being accidentally kicked, even if it wasn't that hard. My feet have seen better days. FML

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Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

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Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

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Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

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