Alcohol, Drunk, Party Health Party animal - FML

Party animal

Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

hnickell93 - 09/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

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Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

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jimbop - 23/05/2009 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

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toni405 - 21/07/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

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HELP!

SeatofIgnorance -

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

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Thanks, I guess…

Anonymous -

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

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theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

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hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

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Put the booze down

Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

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catt - 17/10/2014 20:12 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

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PsychoMerk 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 23:53

what.the.****?

InsidiousChild 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 0:32

no, no u's havn't.

NYBellz 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 3:45

go kiss him with tongue

marmlr339 14

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:05

us* stupid autocorrect

nirvanalink 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:11

YDI idiot next time STOP DRINKING

hammerfall26 6

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:14

he's my hero!

linzbinzzz 7

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:14

Why is this an FML..

sleepereffect 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:23

just means your future husband is a douche bag

angielopezx3 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:30

lmfaoo! that sucks so much asssssss

paramedicgirl87 4

Sunday 1 May 2011 4:59

Your fiance is my hero.

Petunia888 13

Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:32

My thought exactly!

bignasty29 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 5:18

Screw that. You need To add ex to his title

JenL_fml 7

Sunday 1 May 2011 5:42

I think I like him. Heh. That'll teach ya.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at Halloween costumes online for this year's Halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

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Today, I told my boyfriend in a joking manner that he says my name slightly incorrectly. Now he’s mad I didn’t tell him. FML

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Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

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Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

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Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

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Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

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