Gross Health Mucus factory - FML

Mucus factory

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus, or blowing blood. FML

32 870

3 150

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

3 421

939

Say it, don't spray it

... - - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

32 945

2 305

Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

23 275

4 208

Read the room

Mortified concert-cougher - 29/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML

725

138

Watch out!

FlyLikeABird - - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

26 917

4 461

I'm OK!

MAC. - - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

23 470

6 053

Satisfaction

thacupcakeassassin - - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

12 079

1 759

Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

22 456

2 187

David Lee Roth?

Anonymous - - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer, I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy, but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

11 309

39 564

Boxing

Holly - - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

9 526

32 221

kaijapapaya 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 18:56

Choose not breathing.

alwa7sh 2

Tuesday 18 January 2011 19:07

Add diarrhea and you have the perfect combination, something coming out of every hole :)

xtreame101 3

Tuesday 1 May 2012 21:16

Breathing is too mainstream.

fairman 5

Tuesday 29 October 2013 3:37

Same here!!

Guru_Gal 12

Monday 4 May 2015 11:25

Though it's only a few people, I'm surprised at how many people mentioned coke/cocaine. That isn't the only way people can get nose bleeds.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

58 753

18 665

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

37 814

5 296

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

42 041

26 668

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

1 023

115

Today, during sex, my (now ex) boyfriend called out the name of the new female coworker that he told me just last night "not to worry about." He's known her for a week. We were together for 8 and a half years. FML

561

155

Today, after a lot of discussion and setting ground rules, my wife agreed that we could try swinging. Problem is, she has vetoed every single person I’ve suggested as either “butt ass ugly” or “fatter than holy hell.” Her exact words were, “There’s no way in fuck I’m munching fat box!” FML

125

358