Joe Bidet By userrrrr - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML agreeclassic 49 450 vote type 1 3 839 Share Tweet Share
Today, I told a customer to “Enjoy your food” as I handed him his receipt instead of his meal. He replied, “You too.” We both froze in silence for a few seconds before he slowly took the bag and walked away in shame. FML agreeclassic 218 vote type 1 119
Today, as punishment for peeing on the toilet seat, my dad told my son Santa isn’t real and nor is the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny. FML agreeclassic 943 vote type 1 243
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML agreeclassic 25 737 vote type 1 4 278
Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML agreeclassic 51 809 vote type 1 16 373
Today, the midwest blizzard hit my town, burying the roads in snow. All the local stores are closed. I'm not only currently on my period, but I'm out of pads and toilet paper. FML agreeclassic 47 510 vote type 1 10 491
Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML agreeclassic 15 937 vote type 1 81 883
There's a keeper!
Are you sure she wasn't joking... i mean... come on... who does that?