Miscellaneous I did nooooooooot!

I did nooooooooot!

Just wanted a cigarette - 31/07/2015 02:06 - United States - Lagrangeville

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Classic scam

Anonymous - 01/07/2017 06:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML

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shewantsmedead - 26/01/2017 18:00

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5 mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

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Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

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fhe - 16/04/2012 15:52 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

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yupthissucks - 13/04/2015 09:00 - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

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prettyinpurple - 10/02/2009 04:54 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML

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dream_girl_3 - 08/03/2010 09:37 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

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legotron - 30/10/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

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Are you OK?

dxplq876 - 17/03/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

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FangirlMess6 - 24/03/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML

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wheresmymary 22

Friday 31 July 2015 17:28

Maybe you should have your wife explain her side of the story to them

AddictGamer 16

Friday 31 July 2015 17:34

To all these people saying to 'just stop smoking' it's harder than it sounds. As to OP, I hope you'll get your justice as of your story you are not in the wrong.

joshi42 16

Saturday 1 August 2015 7:25

"Jumped on the hood of the car"? Who are you married to, a Catwoman?

analise1998 25

Saturday 1 August 2015 8:33

please quit smoking ?

ILikeKoalas 24

Saturday 1 August 2015 13:31

Then get that silly cow to explain what really happened?

LegionRapier61 8

Saturday 1 August 2015 15:57

Probably a good time to quit, when the cops get involved.

Twid 16

Saturday 1 August 2015 23:57

Well, you did hit her, but not on purpose...

sarah2144 14

Sunday 2 August 2015 12:27

I do think that you should consider quitting for health reasons. But she's a moron for jumping onto a moving car. Not sure what she thought was gonna happen. Hope you didn't get into any trouble.