Today, I finally got around to organizing my closet. Discarded clothes fell into three distinct categories: Too Small, Yellow Pits, Stained with Food. FML
Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML
Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML
Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML
Today, after a lot of discussion and setting ground rules, my wife agreed that we could try swinging. Problem is, she has vetoed every single person I’ve suggested as either “butt ass ugly” or “fatter than holy hell.” Her exact words were, “There’s no way in fuck I’m munching fat box!” FML
Today, I’ve spent ages trying to achieve the shade of red hair, getting various similar tattoos, and getting green contacts so I can be the exact replica of the girl my ex-fiancé left me for so I can win him back. He still prefers to be with her. What else am I missing then? FML
Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML
you sound like a bit of a slob
Thats gross. Clean your clothes more often. Euch!