Intimacy Freak out - FML

Freak out

Anonymous - 02/01/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Yoshi - 31/01/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

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Pizza > Love

Anonymous - 11/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML

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No kinkshaming, but come on…

esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "Eat it, eat it!" FML

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Lisa - 11/12/2018 04:00 - Romania

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

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Get in there!

Menareidiots - 24/02/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

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OK then…

Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

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Denied!

Hystcheria - 25/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML

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Kinky

sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

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Peter and Pan

dudeWTF - 03/07/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML

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Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

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TheDrifter 23

Wednesday 2 January 2013 23:51

You silly goose, you gotta tie him down before you dominate him if you don't know whether he's a runner.

seandoc 13

Wednesday 2 January 2013 23:49

He must've been under some serious pressure. Or he could've just wanted some pizza.

obviousboy 8

Thursday 3 January 2013 0:43

Puuuuuuuussayyyyyyy

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 3 January 2013 0:56

Must be DiGiorno's!

mosquito19 14

Thursday 3 January 2013 0:57

pizza is code for ****

tacojauns 45

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:08

Maybe was a virgin and just wasn't ready

rightspark 7

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:12

HE IS GAY!!! Sorry OP no door in that closet i would've done you if you hop on top of me, he couldn't. WTF?

xmaximusx 12

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:13

Small dick virgin or maybe he's having a flare up

bmxbikeco 7

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:22

Maybe he's a Mogwai and he knows he has to eat before midnight, otherwise he'll change into a Gremlin.

Ammoniak 1

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:24

Hey, when i'm drunk food's kinda important to me too, I can relate!

mistercrow 9

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:50

Next time just play a board game with him :)

cherylstar71 4

Thursday 3 January 2013 1:51

Sounds...meh

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while shopping at a store, my big toe decided that it was deeply infatuated with my shopping cart wheel. So much so, it rammed itself straight into it. It took everything in me not to scream. FML

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Today, I got a 4-hour Saturday detention as a punishment for skipping a regular detention. We had to wear full school uniforms, then sit at our desks in silence and write long boring punishment essays. It was HORRIBLE. I don't think schools should be allowed to detain and punish pupils on a Saturday. Do you agree? FML

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Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

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Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

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Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

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Today, I noticed my credit score increased by 30 points. Not understanding why, I checked credit karma and found out someone opened several credit cards in my name. FML

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