Sex, Embarrassing Wanker Caught in the act

Caught in the act

urmommmm - 22/08/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year-olds do at midnight? FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Sweet Sixteen

Anonymous - 17/09/2021 13:59 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML

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Saphira - 11/11/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

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Hush, Mother

Anonymous - 06/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend. Everyone was hiding and waiting to yell "Surprise!" when I got a call from my mom. I was loudly discussing family gossip and trying to get my mom to hang up when the door opened. Everyone yelled "Surprise!" and then turned to stare at me. FML

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TooShort - 03/05/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

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thissucks - 21/02/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

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soliveyerlife - 21/03/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

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Anonymous - 02/06/2011 04:17

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

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Happy Birthday baby!

Anonymous - 06/12/2020 18:02 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML

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Happy birthday to you

Anonymous - 22/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML

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Anonymous - 02/08/2013 15:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

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aznboytellem 0

Saturday 22 August 2009 21:03

WERE U PLAYIN POKEMANZ?

tyhillman 0

Saturday 22 August 2009 20:57

Ha at least it was dark, either way sucks for you

gfortress 3

Tuesday 17 December 2013 16:50

sacrifice goats for the glory of the omnipotent potato god

blackbeltlawyer 9

Thursday 2 January 2014 20:49

In going to take a wild guess at what fifteen year olds do at midnight. Sleep?!

MadisonDerp 16

Thursday 9 January 2014 23:18

Birthday sex: forever alone version

Grandpa_Gray 5

Monday 1 September 2014 18:21

Why would anyone think you deserved it

paolino_fml 18

Sunday 21 September 2014 0:30

Either **********, sleep or ****, and in any way it couldn't have gone good in any way

superguydude200 5

Wednesday 8 April 2015 9:35

They sleep

carcinoid 17

Saturday 13 June 2015 20:47

so many people don't understand this one; so many innocent minds

jadelagrue 14

Sunday 28 June 2015 11:05

awks

BaDumTsss_fml 23

Friday 10 July 2015 16:23

Sleep? I know I do.

pinkstardust 9

Sunday 9 August 2015 20:41

Well at least they didn't forget you're birthday Happy birthday?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

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Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

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Today, I got kicked in the balls twice in two hours. The first was my (now ex) girlfriend when I confronted her about cheating on me, and the second was her overprotective friend who thought that I was the cheater. One is a cheerleader, and the other is a soccer player. FML

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Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

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Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

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Today, I discovered a tracking app enabled on my phone so I switched it off to save battery space. Within 20 minutes my mother rang and demanded to know where I was, what I was doing, if I was with some woman… you get the picture. I'm 32 and own my own apartment. FML

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