Your everyday life stories

watermelon - 19/05/2016 10:18 - Australia - Keysborough

Today, my dog ate my watermelon body wash, and now he hasn't stopped farting. It smells like poopy watermelon. FML

Charkohol - 19/05/2016 08:49 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I decided to check my email's spam folder. As I was scrolling past junk, I noticed an important government email regarding a job I applied for. Unfortunately, it required a response by May 15th. I missed a rare and amazing opportunity by 4 days because it was marked as spam. Thanks Yahoo! FML

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lonely - 19/05/2016 08:16 - United States - Clackamas

Today, my best friend invited me to go to San Francisco with him for the week. However, I turned down the offer since I had prior commitments with my friend to go up to Seattle. My friend that I planned to go to Seattle with just said that he was taking his gf instead. Now I'm doing nothing. FML

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iwishiwascool21 - 19/05/2016 06:20 - United States - Terre Haute

Today, I spent over $1,700 for an aureola reduction only to find out I'm pregnant...which will stretch my aureolas back to the exact size they were before. FML

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Spook - 19/05/2016 06:16 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I took my hair towel and left it in the hallway of my house to dry like I do every day. After dinner, my father walks up the stairs with my hair towel around his waist without his underwear. He vehemently denied using my towel to dry his private parts, but mom says he *always* uses it. FML.

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Dokura - 19/05/2016 05:00 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, while working with a friends uncle at his bait shop, I was really thirsty. I decided it would be fine to drink the tap water. Little did I know, the water there is loaded with iron to keep minnows alive longer. I guess iron makes you shit a lot. I can't leave the bathroom. FML

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imAgirl - 19/05/2016 04:44 - United States - Bronx

Today, I saw the guy I've been texting lately pop up under people you may know in Facebook. He looked pretty good, and made a cute couple with his boyfriend. FML

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Anonymous - 19/05/2016 04:13 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that while the classmates I've been assigned to work on a group project with are all nice and ready to do their share, they all have atrocious grammar skills and don't know basic formatting. At least they sent me their stuff early for proofreading. FML

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just tryin' to be helpful - 19/05/2016 04:06 - United States - King George

Today, I was checking over my brother's science project involving space travel. When I pointed out things I thought he'd lose points for (taking 1,000,000 gallons of water to space, using "ion waves" to bend spacetime, detonating 1 billion+ kiloton bombs), he got mad at me for "criticizing" him. FML

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lazylahma - 19/05/2016 03:47 - United States - Chicago

Today, my dog was running around playing with his chew bone when he did some crazy spin jump and lost the bone. Where did it go you may ask, right through the front of my 55 gallon fish tank sitting behind the couch

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MoreExperienceMyAss - 19/05/2016 03:45 - China - Fuzhou

Today, I was turned down for a promotion, that I believed I was an excellent candidate for, on the grounds that the successful person had more experience. The same person who started at the job some two months after I did. FML.

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jephte00 - 19/05/2016 03:03 - United States - Bridgeport

Today, My school went on lockdown because some kid decided to bring in a gun. He was arrested but we stayed on lockdown for 6 straight hours after with nothing to do because we weren't allowed to have electronics out. FML

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pinkinthesink - 19/05/2016 02:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom told me what my surprise was. Instead of paying somebody to do my hair for prom, my 14 year old sister will be doing it for me. The same girl who doesn't even brush her hair. FML

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raindrop - 19/05/2016 02:14 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I did my makeup full out, bought red solo cups, and acted like I was having a party all for snapchat. But really I am sitting on fml, listening to depressing music and eating a gallon of mint chocolate ice cream. FML.

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WyrmKing - 19/05/2016 02:00 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I realized that the highlight of my week was pausing a video right at 4:20. FML

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Stefan - 19/05/2016 01:30 - United States - Brentwood

Today during my final exam, I had the worst coughing fit, and everyone turned around to see what was wrong when I accidentally let out the biggest fart and everyone was staring at me... And I have to be in the same class next year... FML

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ExAttracter - 19/05/2016 01:15 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I realized that my ex texts me a lot more than my current boyfriend. FML

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amethyst0205 - 19/05/2016 01:12 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, after over six months of planning, and less than 2 months to go, my fiance tells me that he DOESN'T want to get married... FML

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Fridge is exploding - 18/05/2016 23:58 - United States - Houston

Today I threw a dinner party for some old friends, and I woke up at 8:00 am to start cooking. After the party, I had more food then I had started with. Two friends where vegans who didn't mention, and the other two became "gluten free." They also left the food THEY brought on me. FML.

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GuardedCrayfish - 18/05/2016 23:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to ask my crush out. I ride horses at the same barn as her and I asked her while we were waiting for our instructor to set up some jumps. As I asked her, my male horse let his large penis hang out...she couldn't stop laughing.FML

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i know my place now - 18/05/2016 23:01 - United States

Today, I showed my group the work I'd done while they were absent. One girl took it and said she'd work with it tonight to complete the project. After class I found my work in the garbage and saw her and the other group member talking about ideas for the project. FML

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Helmethair - 18/05/2016 22:15 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my boyfriend is refusing to buy a helmet for his commute when he rides his bike though the city, because he says he won't have an accident. I would try and believe that if he wasn't almost hit by a van when his handle bars fell off the bike. FML

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meltingturtle - 18/05/2016 22:09 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I got kicked out of my local supermarket for 'acting suspicious'. Apparently a 16-year old boy buying four cans of tuna, a redbull, and a spatula is considered 'suspicious' and it's clear that I'm 'up to something'. FML

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UnluckyMe - 18/05/2016 21:18 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I passed a really hard exam that I failed before. later on they canceled everyone's grades because they found out someone leaked the questions. FML

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tayxoxoxo - 18/05/2016 19:46 - United States

Today, I discovered that someone keyed my car, leaving a big scratch all the way down the passenger side. I called to see if my building had footage of whoever did it on the parking lot cameras, but coincidentally today was the day that the cameras were under maintenance. FML

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N/A - 18/05/2016 19:27 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I was doing a work out video. During one of the exercises my dogs came running from the other room because of all the noise I was making. They thought I was being attacked. FML

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LazurasGS - 18/05/2016 18:52 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today I was working on my final for my personal finance class. we have to do a simulation and keep your person alive until you gain two hundred fifty thousand dollars in net worth. Upon entering the last part of the final, my house was completely robbed and I died of starvation. FML.

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oakleyoaks - 18/05/2016 18:16 - United States

Today, I used my last vacation day till October to see my boyfriend. I get there and he dumps me because I am boring. So I just payed myself to be dumped. FML

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Bas - 18/05/2016 17:40 - Israel - Haifa

Today, I had a laser surgery to fix my eyesight. I was under immense pain afterwards, so the doctor prescribed me pain killers specific for laser surgery patients. What are those pain killers called? "FML". FML

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EpicOracle - 18/05/2016 17:20

Today, My Girlfriend actually ended our relationship by saying "Goodbye Buubuu" A pet name only my mother called me. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a client walked into my store with a duck in her hands. I had to explain to her that she couldn't bring the bird shopping with her. We got a 1-star review. FML

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Today, I showed up for a Tinder date. I sat there for 45 minutes, waiting. Finally, I messaged her to ask if she was coming. She replied, “Oh no, I wasn’t serious. You just seemed polite. I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” FML

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Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

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Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

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