Miscellaneous

Strange noise

- 22/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

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Need help

onwardsandupwards - 21/01/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

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Early meeting

mycariswrecked - 20/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML

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Morning!

Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

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Revelation

Anonymous - 12/01/2020 18:00

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

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Wrong size

ali927truthh - 12/01/2020 03:00

Today, when I finally got delivered the new kitchen table that I ordered online a week ago, I found out that it was actually a kitchen table for a dollhouse, as I forgot to check the size. FML

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Second time

timon_n_pumbaa - 11/01/2020 09:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found myself locked in a bathroom for the second time in my life. This time at least I was at home. I live alone. I had to break the window on the shower door and crawl out. Now, I need to crawl in/out to shower, brush my teeth and more. FML

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Lunch Special

Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

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Be careful, please!

WolfsScar - 08/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

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My family

Anonymous - 07/01/2020 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML

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My short hair!

Trama1201 - 04/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

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Hangry DVD

Krazydude1000 - 03/01/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that my old DVD player had stopped reading my DVDs. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what the problem was. I found the problem, which was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after doing that. FML

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Marking territory

Anonymous - 02/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML

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Card problem

BureaucraticLimbo - 01/01/2020 14:00

Today, I was told I can't renew my Identity Card without a Social Security Card, and I can't get a replacement Social Security Card without an Identity Card. FML

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Nice bird

Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

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Sewing project

peppergirl - 30/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

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Good smell

smellslikeroses - 30/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

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Parasocial to the max

Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Santa Monica

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

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A good shower

headache - 26/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

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Played a blinder

hereforfmls - 26/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Jasper

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

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My reward

KittenShitz - 25/12/2019 14:00

Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML

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Without me

CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

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I am hungry

Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

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Impressive hairstyle

Anonymous - 20/12/2019 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the hairdresser and changed my hairstyle drastically. It wasn't until she was nearly done that she said, "I just KNEW this style wasn't going to suit you." FML

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Late warning

TheGestalt97 - 20/12/2019 05:00

Today, an email appeared in my inbox saying that the final this week that was supposed to be on Saturday has been moved forward to Thursday. It’s Friday. FML

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Hard test

Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

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It's hot!

joyf - 08/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

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Not fair!

icy - 06/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Prairieville

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

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Where is everyone?

Anonymous - 04/12/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to have a game night at my house. Suggesting a popular card game that everyone plays, snacks, and BYOB. No one showed or even said they weren't coming. FML

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Slippy!

mud - 29/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got fired via Facebook messenger in a chat that also included a coworker. FML

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Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

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Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

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Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

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Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

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Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

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