AITA

Busted!

Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

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Ban Zoom meetings

Anonymous - 30/06/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I joined a Zoom call late and accidentally unmuted myself while yelling at my kids to stop fighting. I didn't realize I was unmuted until I saw my manager's horrified face and the rest of the team trying not to laugh. FML

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Desperate

tp2014 - - United States - Jesup

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

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Hot headed

Anonymous - 27/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, during an argument with my fiancé, I threw my engagement ring on the ground. The center stone broke off. Now he's couch surfing, and has sworn that he won't marry me unless I can find the stone. One stupid moment might actually ruin my life. FML

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Hogwatch

PlanB - 27/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my mom disowned me and kicked me out of the house, all because I used Plan B to terminate a potential pregnancy after I had unprotected sex. She actually packed a suitcase and duffle-bag for me, told me to hit the road, and to never come back. She told me she’d call the police for trespassing if I didn’t comply. FML

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Have a Kitkat

Billy - 27/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my wife came back from a three-day moms' retreat, and was mad I didn't immediately want to spend time with her. She called me 68 times (yes, I counted) while she was gone, so it was really like she never left. FML

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Handle with care

Frankly - 26/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my dad and two of his hunting buddies started a true crime podcast. It's as bad as you can imagine. FML

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Hello?

Anonymous - 26/06/2024 12:00 - Denmark - Aalborg

Today, I found out that my parents forgot to invite me out to eat with them. I found this out when my mom invited my sister right in front of me. FML

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Time is running out

Beatriz - 25/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, the guys I rejected for being too short or looking too nerdy are both in committed relationships and engaged with their significant others. Meanwhile, it’s been two years and I keep getting ghosted or in situationship after situationship. FML

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You what?

he does WHAT - 23/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went with my wife to her work picnic. Some guy I don't know slapped her on the butt. I was ready to deck the creep, but my wife giggled and said, "Oh relax, it doesn't mean a thing. He does that all the time." FML

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Thick ear

why - 23/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML

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Have fun!

Anonymous - 23/06/2024 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I worked from home and, by coincidence, it was the day that my partner was going away for the weekend with some friends. When one of them picked her up, I noticed that the other friend's husband was going on the trip. So other husbands are invited… but not me. FML

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Joe Smooth move

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

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Priorities

Anonymous - 21/06/2024 13:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, despite being an incredible single mother to my only child, and loving him more than anyone else could, my son still completely ignored me and my attempts to hug him at his gender reveal party with his wife. Apparently she deserved a hug more than I do. FML

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Suit yourself

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 21/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my coworker, who constantly no-shows, ranted to me about his work hours being reduced. He somehow doesn't realize that he's the problem. We're understaffed as of now, so they can't fire him, and I have to be there constantly to make up for him being a lazy ass. My days off have been few and far between. FML

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Please let me get what I want this time

Anonymous - 18/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was asked where I wanted to eat for Father’s Day. Every year I say someplace with crab legs. So we ate Italian. Fifth year in a row. I paid for everyone. FML

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Cut!

Anonymous - 17/06/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousins are visiting from America and boy do I want rid of them. We went to a restaurant and ordering their food took over 20 minutes due to their crazy food orders. It was seriously like the restaurant scene in The Goldbergs, only not funny. Seriously, go watch that scene. MADNESS. FML

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Kinda suspicious

fuzzybee301 - 17/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my husband claimed to have gone to a baseball game by himself. My best friend posted a story where she went to that same game. My husband’s hand was in the background. He told me nothing happened between them and they went as just friends. He didn’t tell me because he “thought I’d be mad.” FML

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Diddums

Anonymous - 15/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, due to an emergency, I ended up working for 18 hours instead of 13. I'd texted my unemployed wife to let her know this was unavoidable, but when I got home she blamed me like she thought I planned this in advance, yelled at me, and my dinner was Heinz tomato soup I had to heat up myself. FML

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Not my bucket list

what the fuck babe - 14/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed me his bucket list. Normal bucket lists are beautiful, full of sweet things like, "See Paris with my wife" or, "Learn to play the piano". His was all childish destructive bullshit like, "Throw dynamite out of a car window" or, "Get my ass eaten out." FML

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Brain freeze

Anonymous - 13/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I work at a hospice center. At 3AM, a call just went out to a man's family to come because he was dying. I didn't realize that this man was my old friend's grandpa. When I saw her, I smiled really big and said, "Hey! Great to see you!" Her grandpa was ACTIVELY DYING. Stupid stupid stupid. FML

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Demanding

Anonymous - 12/06/2024 08:00 - United Arab Emirates - Sharjah

Today, the asshole who I paid to send me weekly diet plans thinks I'm weird because I'm asking him to send them on time. He claims he "has a life." WTF? Arrogant! I paid for this service that he's giving poorly. He even sends the same plan every week and just changes the file date. FML

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Where there's a will…

Anonymous - - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

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Family days

No more - 07/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I don't know why I bothered taking my family to the beach. All my wife wants to do is shop at the same crappy cheap chains she always goes to, and all my son wants to do is watch cartoons. Whenever I suggest anything different, they both throw tantrums. FML

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Play stupid games…

Boomerang - 04/06/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I thought I’d get revenge on my cheating husband by seducing the woman he’s been seeing behind my back. Unfortunately, even though I’ve never been attracted to women, I’ve inexplicably fallen head over heels in love with her. What now? FML

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Fertiliser

Anonymous - 04/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife found out when I’m super busy with work and can’t be bothered to walk upstairs for a pee, I just pee into a bottle and empty it out the window onto the grass. I get it’s sorta gross but the way she was yelling you’d have think I took a shit on the drive in full view of the neighbours. FML

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Let me out of here

Bakerman - 04/06/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend. I sat her down and gave her the speech. She broke down in tears and said, “Why does every guy always abandon me? Why am I never good enough?” I felt so bad for her that I took back the breakup and we’re still together now. FML

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Panic mode

jessie nex - 01/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I felt like doing a good deed, so when I bought something at a store I told the cashier to keep the change. The cashier then panicked and said, “What do I do???” Turns out, I was her first ever customer. FML

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Confused as hell

Anonymous - 01/06/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home and my wife was pissed that I'd forgotten our plans. She then refused to tell me what I forgot and went to bed. I know my memory’s bad so I always write stuff down, but there’s nothing on our joint calendar, nothing on my calendar, no Post-it notes, texts, or emails, nothing. FML

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Damn, son…

Anonymous - 31/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my anger issues reached their worst after a horrible day at work. I kicked my girlfriend out of our apartment because I smelled another man's cologne when I came home. The "cologne" was a scented candle that she had burning while I was gone. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

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Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

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Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

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Today, my doctor told me to take off my pants so she could do a checkup. When I took them off, she gasped. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was expecting something else. She thought I was a dude. FML

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Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

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Today, after spending 5 years working towards my dream job, getting it, and while in training telling a risqué joke, I got suspended the next day, lost the job, and I'm now in a shitty admin job. FML

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