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Hey OP here it’s my FML but it won’t let me log into my account so I’m using this old one. My hand was a little infected but it’s all healed now so now worries. The mole’s gone af though...

By Labro9 - 07/01/2016 08:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 245

You deserved it 1 691

Labro9 tells us more.

Labro9 9

Friday 8 January 2016 4:57

Geez I didn't expect that to get up. Cheers for the comments! Just a summary for those playing at home: - Family belong to my husband - Husband has spontaneously developed an inability to say "No" to these people - It's like living with a bunch of escaped institutionalized clowns - They depart in 108 hours - I have reason to question my life choices

Match over

By dontask - 22/12/2018 18:00

Today, I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double-tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 1 886

By AlonsoKold - 26/07/2013 01:32 - United States - Clinton

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 745

You deserved it 46 915

AlonsoKold tells us more.

AlonsoKold 15

Friday 26 July 2013 18:02

They were just dried spaghetti noodles

By sister of an angry nerd - 23/12/2015 06:09

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 3 184

By Macysdayparade8 - 09/12/2015 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss of six months asked me what country I'm from. I'm white and from the southern United States. I'm so quiet, he didn't think I spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 517

You deserved it 3 460

Macysdayparade8 tells us more.

Macysdayparade8 8

Wednesday 9 December 2015 23:23

Op here. I was just trying to say that there are no obvious signs that I'm not from Georgia/from another country, where most people speak English.

Oh no…

By yayibs - 04/12/2015 03:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 444

You deserved it 4 504

Bad boy

By Sissy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year-old son started rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly, "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looked at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 3 484

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 18:00

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 3 724

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 14:50 - Canada

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 745

You deserved it 1 715

Enthusiastic

By Earlybird76 - 04/04/2017 18:00 - Canada - Richmond

Today, after 6 months of unemployment and jobs searching, I showed up to my new job 10 minutes early. My new supervisor confusedly greeted me and informed me I was in fact a week and 10 minutes early. HR changed my start date and told everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 513

You deserved it 348

These are lovely

By kittybad - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didn't have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 181

You deserved it 4 498

By Cinderstar95 - 28/12/2016 09:34 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 374

You deserved it 441

By mrmarshall - 17/05/2019 05:44

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live, and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 211

Revealing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 559

You deserved it 9 914

By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 433

You deserved it 1 670

Demon child

By Some Guy - 12/10/2015 00:54 - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a two year-old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me, started crying, and stabbed me right in the foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 394

You deserved it 2 778

By natural selection i guess - 09/12/2016 09:02

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 982

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The Top

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said, "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 2 073

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 851

You deserved it 9 476

So, what's gonna happen next?

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 186

Today, after realizing just how stressful my week is going to be, I gave my girlfriend a massage, hoping for some stress relieving sex. I rubbed her for 30 minutes, then she said that she didn't feel "connected" with me and went to sleep. Isn't the point of sex to connect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 1 618

Today, a field engineer decided to rework everyone's schedule, just because he couldn't be bothered to do a full day's work. Now two of us who would've been busy all day are sat on our phones, and he's off out on "errands". How a day goes depends on how bothered he can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 84

Today, I touched my friend's hard junk under my foot through his jeans as we played games on the couch. He didn't move away and kept jiggling my thighs playfully, so I didn't stop. When he left, I texted him I liked what I felt and got no response. I killed a 7 year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 251