The Top

Whoa this got published haha! Thank you guys, being single is not a bad thing to me, I very much enjoy it in some ways, not so much in others. Hearing someone be intimate with another makes me wish I had that though. Just a thought. Happy valentines!

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 202

You deserved it 544

Chapter and verse

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 14:15

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "Love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 576

You deserved it 1 546

By Anonymous - 27/12/2015 02:07 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 244

You deserved it 2 205

By ImTheAlpha - 23/12/2015 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, my mom decided that my hair was too long and that she was going to cut it. I now look like a male extra from Xanadu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 265

You deserved it 1 838

ImTheAlpha tells us more.

ImTheAlpha 30

Thursday 24 December 2015 18:43

I was sleeping on the couch (sitting up), and she came over with scissors and decided my hair needed to be 3 inches shorter than it was. Now my hair ends all bluntly at my shoulders and poofs out since my hair is naturally wavy. Before I had lovely natural beauty waves to the small of my back ;-;

By FuckedByLife - 12/02/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 974

You deserved it 575

By So I can go now then? - 09/02/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 723

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 10/12/2015 08:19 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 948

You deserved it 1 707

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 875

You deserved it 398

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 03:17 - Canada

Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 834

You deserved it 2 382

By Klaairon - 27/02/2013 15:33 - Brazil - Osasco

Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture of my brother, my boyfriend and me. Apparently, the idea of me having a boyfriend didn’t register with them because they all screamed, “Your brother is gay?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 49

By ShitShoveler - 14/04/2017 20:00 - United States - Abington

Today, a month after getting a big promotion, I found out that I'm stuck with my old job. No one wants to take my old position, so they are vacating my new one and will post it, because, "This one is more desirable, and your's is shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 292

You deserved it 353

By anonymous - 02/09/2014 18:58 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 799

You deserved it 9 667

Dumbest Ultimatum Ever

By NeverGonnaHappen - 19/05/2019 12:30

Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 420

Mumble mumble

By Jess - 27/10/2015 20:16

Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 862

You deserved it 4 502

By DaycareMama92 - 28/04/2017 16:00

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 298

You deserved it 420

By GOLLUM! - 18/05/2017 00:00

Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 697

You deserved it 2 023

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

By jasmine - 10/06/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 263

You deserved it 352

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 087

You deserved it 761

By bluep313 - 18/09/2015 17:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 998

You deserved it 2 040

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 19:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 052

You deserved it 3 552

By done - 10/08/2017 04:30 - United States - Mercer Island

Today, I started to fill out a job application online, with age being one of the first things I put in. After half an hour and 40 questions, I hit submit. I was then told that I wasn't old enough to apply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 244

You deserved it 415

Brain fog

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 071

You deserved it 3 235

By saddude - 04/03/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 371

You deserved it 113 666

Bratz

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 15:07 - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 859

You deserved it 921

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Love Liar Weird Sex Pranks Teachers School Education Gross AITA Money Awkward Kids Relatable Work Exhausted Mental health Teenagers Embarrassing Hair Haircut Miscellaneous Art Painting Cute Clumsy Dating Cars Transportation

The Top

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 935

You deserved it 2 686

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 106

You deserved it 7 090

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 244

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 281

Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 1 093

Today, my husband and son had their first DIY project. Less than 30 minutes later, our son’s crying in his room. Turns out my husband is just like his dad. “WHY ARE YOU STANDING DOING NOTHING? PASS ME THE THING. NOT THAT THING, THE OTHER THING. HERE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. PAY ATTENTION, GOD DAMMIT.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 123