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By Serenadipity - 22/12/2015 03:37 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old brother told us his girlfriend is pregnant. He was taught in his abstinence-only sex ed that condoms don't prevent pregnancy. My parents are blaming her pregnancy on me, for not telling him the truth about sex, because parents giving their kids the sex talk is "too awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 678

You deserved it 1 907

Serenadipity tells us more.

Serenadipity 11

Wednesday 23 December 2015 1:02

31- If I had any inkling of what was going on, I would have tried to do something about it. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend, let alone that he was having sex.

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 5 166

By Anonymous - 06/04/2017 02:00

Today, they played Nickelback at our school dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 369

You deserved it 1 499

By missinformed - 18/05/2017 12:00

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 749

You deserved it 291

By LittleMissRejected - 21/07/2017 14:27

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 919

You deserved it 968

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 year-old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 2 866

By catty_13 - 07/10/2017 04:30

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 142

You deserved it 280

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 4 153

By Funyearahead - 08/08/2016 12:44 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 710

You deserved it 957

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 020

You deserved it 40 670

Welcome to the Splash Zone!

By Vomitoid - 07/02/2018 01:30

Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 314

You deserved it 351

By Anonyme - 22/06/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 461

You deserved it 4 209

By Forever Alone - 14/06/2016 09:26

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 530

You deserved it 1 391

By scherzo - 09/04/2018 08:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I dropped my phone in the parking lot and it landed next to a car tire. As I reached to pick it up, the car backed up and ran over my phone and my hand. Hello, emergency room! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 120

You deserved it 463

By The Doc - 07/06/2016 22:41

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 673

You deserved it 1 401

By thefoolwhorippedhispants - 20/04/2018 01:30

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 353

You deserved it 435

By dumpeople - 13/06/2018 20:13

Today, I went into a public bathroom to wash my hands, only to be met with a woman fixing her hair, who promptly slapped me for sneaking into the ladies room. I was in the right bathroom, which she realized after seeing the urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 921

You deserved it 332

FFAce tells us more.

FFAce 11

Wednesday 13 June 2018 10:26

Nah it's against my morals I was raised never to hit a girl and I've never hit one so far and don't plan to break that record

By iDontLikeMySiblingsThatMuch - 12/08/2018 20:30

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 284

By Unsuspecting - 16/04/2016 12:23 - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 575

You deserved it 1 750

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 396

You deserved it 2 248

Knight

By Racked - 01/03/2016 18:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 248

You deserved it 1 929

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 393

By ShouldveStayedAVirgin - 13/01/2016 18:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 955

You deserved it 7 101

By atalose - 06/03/2017 07:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my college professor said that anyone who misses the final next week automatically fails, "even if their grandmother died." My grandmother, the woman who raised me, died last night and her funeral is next week. Same day as the final. Across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 552

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 23:54 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 834

You deserved it 1 780

By Micmicmic - 15/04/2017 04:00 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my mom let my younger brother borrow my car. He managed to crash it through the garage door. While I was in another country. Somehow, I manage to get berated by my mom because I'm not doing enough to make my brother feel better about him having an accident involving my car and my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 787

You deserved it 357

By shh - 09/10/2015 07:06 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 586

You deserved it 2 788

By T-Bear - 07/10/2015 15:02 - United States - College Station

Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 2 240

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 1 910

By GLX - 14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 778

You deserved it 267

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 1 191

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 370

You deserved it 441

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 872

You deserved it 9 078

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 720

You deserved it 9 470

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 320

You deserved it 1 521

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 238

You deserved it 12 619