Miscellaneous: Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with,... - FML

By NotSatan - 19/04/2017 14:00

Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with, "Haaaaail Satan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 094

You deserved it 619

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Same thing different taste

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By Alex - 06/02/2024 06:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, my mom didn’t answer the phone when I called. My husband promptly said, with a straight face, “Would you answer you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 162

By newbffswelcome - 04/08/2013 18:07 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 846

You deserved it 4 675

By grubbieduc - 06/10/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 582

You deserved it 2 782

By Stupid - 01/03/2019 04:00

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's wife. He's still saying he is not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 548

You deserved it 323

Fishy

By Kristyn - 09/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband for the 1000th time to stop texting a woman he used to be friends with in high school, with whom he recently reconnected, and that I’m feeling neglected in this marriage. He responded by saying, “Fine! I guess I can’t have any friends then!” and took a hammer to his phone, breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 370

By Satan - 15/03/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 426

You deserved it 9 190

Miserable bastard

By Jane - 29/06/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I called my husband when his shift at work ended to talk about what we needed to do this weekend. He got angry and asked if he could have "five goddamn minutes" after work to get home and change before I started "throwing the fucking to do list at me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 540

By badwife - 07/11/2009 10:22 - Japan

Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 17 377

Cancel the wedding

By Anonymous - 02/11/2022 14:00

Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 682

Controlling

By Anonymous - 20/11/2024 21:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 127

Next

Top comments

Master Buck 8

Wednesday 19 April 2017 14:07

Hail Hydra !

Glowworm56 26

Wednesday 19 April 2017 14:58

This is actually pretty funny IMO.

Comments

Garnetshaddow 30

Friday 21 April 2017 19:42

Well... Now I'm going to start doing that. Maybe switch out deities every so often for fun, but for sure start doing that. Thank your husband for the amazing idea!

anaheimangels40 11

Friday 21 April 2017 19:54

I am sure he calls you Satan with good reason!

IHaveThePower 16

Thursday 14 September 2023 23:10

Well, it might convince your boss to limit calls to work hours, so hey, there's a silver lining...

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Today, I've realized how badly my social anxiety disorder has affected my ability to bond with relatives. I sat in silent regret as I listened to cousins and aunts relate fond memories of our recently departed grandma during family dinner. It hurts to know I'll never have another chance with grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 205

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 41 844

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 700

You deserved it 2 154

Today, I was helping a customer find some shoes. When I brought her a size, she got a phone call. I motioned to the shoes and mouthed, "Bigger size" so I didn't interrupt her. She yelled, "Give me a fucking minute," and stormed out. About 5 minutes later, I realized she'd stolen the shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 767

You deserved it 1 481

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 384

You deserved it 6 011

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 625

You deserved it 1 176