Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time....

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 491

You deserved it 11 872

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Same thing different taste

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 285

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 500

You deserved it 8 045

By displeased - 05/04/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 809

You deserved it 3 572

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 147

You deserved it 7 037

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 167

You deserved it 13 433

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 358

You deserved it 5 091

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 632

You deserved it 91 093

Nice way to go, really

By motorboatofdoom - 30/03/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 310

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 322

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 62 158

afdude87 6

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:04

sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.

Emmy_The_Great 2

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:06

I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.

Comments

xokmonxo 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 21:52

At least it didn't sting your crotch...but after your gf said that, maybe it should have stung her.

underguarded 20

Wednesday 8 June 2011 22:15

wow, people really don't know how to read comparisons. in relation to the first post I was responding to, I was making a comparison about phobias. why people have them and how funny it was that the original poster though being afraid of wasps was wussy. I then stated reasons why the wasp phobia wasn't a bad thing to be afraid of by comparing them to the fear MOST people have. I then stated it's more 'pussy' fear because of the facts mentioned . Not because I think it actually is. so before you all jump on my ass, maybe try to understand the comment written instead of taking everything as a Verbal insult that it wasn't intended to be.

JumbledGirl 2

Thursday 9 June 2011 17:13

I totally agreed with you! people are such ass holes sometimes :/

1summitash 1

Wednesday 8 June 2011 22:19

that was actually really funny. thanks for making me laugh!

edog123 1

Wednesday 8 June 2011 23:22

that suxs 4 u!!!!!my gf doesn't care what my Facebook says rue life sucks hahahahahahha

dvdp112 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 0:09

huh?

mizzflory 5

Wednesday 8 June 2011 23:57

the wasp was just tryna get off too

dvdp112 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 0:07

just tell her that is how all guys sound when they bust. just make sure you can repeat the sane wail every time you "getting it on" oh FYI next time just pull out and aim for the wasp.. DUH

Gadomski87 2

Thursday 9 June 2011 0:48

Lmao!

PawsUp_fml 2

Thursday 9 June 2011 3:16

get ready to dislike this, but you can have a sex free relationship to a point. Dating is exposed to be about learning about eachother not sex (sex is not love anymore since people do it to do it now) so if it's love you two will last and slowly work back into your sexual lives