Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking...

By Devon - 20/05/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 22 950

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Same thing different taste

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 910

You deserved it 36 532

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 088

You deserved it 40 715

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 016

You deserved it 25 929

Lost

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 965

You deserved it 8 738

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 129

By goldenshower - 05/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 507

You deserved it 56 545

WTH happened?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 379

You deserved it 42 563

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 1 912

Mind the gap

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 772

You deserved it 2 606

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 09:34 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 418

You deserved it 3 042

marmots 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:50

It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.

cwmbear 0

Friday 20 May 2011 8:54

was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?

Comments

Curtis1624 1

Saturday 21 May 2011 5:07

sounds like u had a good nite

lol32360 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 5:08

Kesha happened

jaynedough 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 6:25

Check your pockets? Oh wait. You have no pants on.

paradisepeace24 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 6:35

who are you Ke$ha???

Xxak907xX 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 6:40

I've got more than a few ideas there...

MegamiKaosu 28

Saturday 21 May 2011 7:03

your grandpa wanted to see what would happen if he dressed you up like Edward Cullen and gave you peanut butter to see if fat ppl follow too. looks like you were caught raped by fans then the peanut butter was eaten O< while traumatizing you forgetting the whole ordeal. considder yourself lucky you don't remember there's male twilight males out there too!

Bieberbabe89 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 7:35

Sounds like you threw some glitter and you made it rain. Or you stepped out of a Ke$ha music video.

dougierocks 13

Saturday 21 May 2011 12:32

smell inside the jar.. what's it smell like? I think you might have had your first taste of some real Vermont moonshine... so remember to say no!... in case your memory of last night doesn't come back. Or make a habit of waking up naked at grandpas house!

xxLifexx 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 16:10

grandfathers FML "Today, i saw my grandson in my driveway coverd in glitter soaking wet with no pants and with a PB jar, i think Ke$ha threw up on him. FML