Intimacy: Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the...

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 868

You deserved it 54 918

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 102

You deserved it 40 070

By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 295

You deserved it 52 278

Self-own

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 08:01

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 142

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 441

You deserved it 11 708

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 487

You deserved it 3 775

What are you doing?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 632

You deserved it 12 961

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 599

You deserved it 46 309

By gumchuck - 05/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Marshall

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 860

You deserved it 16 322

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 826

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 783

You deserved it 19 627

turtleomnom 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:25

clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.

Nuahavizu 17

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:23

And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P

Comments

cathyli623 6

Sunday 11 September 2011 2:47

Awkward silence....

browncity23 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 3:03

well that must have been a sticky situation

buttercupp2137 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 3:07

I almost fell reading this lmaoo but sorry op.

benniful 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 3:31

PRICELESS. o___o

FookMyLife2496 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 4:24

omg LMFAOOO

Troller20 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 4:49

He herped when he should have derped(:

max13_fml 8

Sunday 11 September 2011 6:53

ew dude thats gross and awkward haha

hanzyb 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 7:52

Clearly a lie

Jeffers123 5

Sunday 11 September 2011 8:12

Aren't you special? Mom needs to help u jerk

nvo 6

Sunday 11 September 2011 8:22

Awkward for you perhaps, but this woman diapered your butt and helped you find the target during potty training. Do you really think she's going to be shocked?