Dad jokes and Miscellaneous: Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep.... - FML

By mags - 16/02/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said, "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 436

You deserved it 6 819

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 039

You deserved it 3 047

By beautyschool22 - 11/06/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 576

You deserved it 3 287

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 263

You deserved it 5 371

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 928

You deserved it 35 976

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 551

You deserved it 11 130

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 924

You deserved it 2 548

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 229

You deserved it 6 256

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 024

You deserved it 3 375

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 23:07 - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 725

You deserved it 13 282

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 773

You deserved it 3 758

Next

Top comments

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

Comments

sexygirl123 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:11

r u sure it wasnt just a joke?

Guiseppi 0

Friday 6 March 2009 15:04

Hahahaha, hilarious!

Froenx 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 13:44

of course you could shoot back with 'unlike you, I'm doing something about the way i look'

louisianagrrrrl 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 23:56

He was probably just kidding. My dad says stuff like that to my aunt whenever she's around.

shoot_me 0

Tuesday 14 April 2009 19:30

Your dad is hilarious!!! LOL

medina55 0

Friday 17 April 2009 5:34

this kinda makes me mad little jokes from parents that we all have received and people post it as an fml your life isnt efed you probably have a better life than all of us here

omgmoobs25 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 21:01

geez girls get so sensitive and cant take a joke about thier looks or weight or something....

My_averageFML 0

Sunday 23 August 2009 11:36

you set yourself up for that one that's a big YDI.

brianjman14 22

Monday 9 November 2009 22:25

wow crybaby it was a JOKE

fatalkiss 0

Thursday 4 February 2010 5:43

ydi for not having a sense of humor

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Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 114

Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 583

You deserved it 4 897

Today, my so-called feminist daughter somehow found out I briefly worked as a prostitute when she was a teenager, and has stopped speaking to me. I haven’t the heart to tell her it was the only way I could afford to send her to college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 357

Today, I washed my backpack. Unfortunately, I forgot to empty that ONE little pocket inside, so I also washed 5 bucks, a mirror, some tissues and a notepad. Now my backpack is full of mirror shards and thousands of tiny pieces of paper-fuzz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 764

Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 376

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 864

You deserved it 4 751