Holidays: Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find...

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 772

You deserved it 7 002

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 775

You deserved it 1 792

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 940

You deserved it 3 852

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 244

You deserved it 1 159

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 569

You deserved it 3 369

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 776

You deserved it 51 801

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 262

You deserved it 420

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 453

You deserved it 19 357

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 203

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 669

You deserved it 4 116

Just do it

By tulisa - 21/02/2015 04:25 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 392

You deserved it 4 469

TheDrifter 23

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

That is just awesome. Don't tell people before they stay over, trust me, it'll be great.

wootwootimahoot 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

The sitter should have taught it to say "Help! I'm trapped in a parrot's body!"

Comments

aardvarkish 16

Tuesday 18 June 2013 2:49

Awesome!!

VeganVampyre 26

Tuesday 18 June 2013 2:54

Yes, that's what the parrot must have meant. Of course. It's good advice.

ChuckNorris2 4

Tuesday 18 June 2013 3:28

I love your birdsitter.

shins 7

Tuesday 18 June 2013 3:32

That's odd.. My cat says the same thing.

techieking 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 3:52

I will take the bird off you hands. that is sooo cool. I will hide him in my sister's room!!!!!!

noelasis94 18

Tuesday 18 June 2013 3:56

Will you be calling this sitter back next time?

Charlatan_fml 2

Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:01

If you're scared of a ******* bird, how did you ever work up the courage to go overseas?

JoshArson 22

Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:38

I don't think op is scared of the bird... It's more the shock of walking into the house late at night and hearing a little voice saying "You're going to die."

LookAttMyyLifee 12

Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:36

Are you kidding me ? Thats ******* awesome. :D nah , Im jk. Get. Out. Now !

jannatanelle 5

Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:39

I'd assume it takes longer than a month of constant repetitions of that saying....unless they purchased a tape recorder solely to taint your parrot . I'm just giggling imagining you have neighbors hearing him teaching it! my birds sing tequila song and it took like six months I'm sure my all neighbors would like to shoot me in the face!!