Health: Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided...

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 267

You deserved it 36 971

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 06/11/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 660

You deserved it 45 728

New receipe just dropped

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 077

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 714

You deserved it 36 341

Party hard

By jagerbombs - 30/12/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 030

You deserved it 46 469

The joys of spring

By pukeytimes - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 255

You deserved it 2 328

Bugged

By IEatDammit - 30/01/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 484

You deserved it 6 251

By stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 504

You deserved it 3 260

By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 997

You deserved it 1 247

Fight club

By just outdone - 31/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 822

You deserved it 1 389

By hate - 06/07/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 251

You deserved it 462

Markovski 18

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:49

Should've stole food back..

SlimDanny 15

Thursday 14 May 2015 18:03

Thanks for breaking this down for us.

Comments

LtBrenton 16

Friday 15 May 2015 23:04

Gotta be a YDI from me. After a particularly bad experience with even the recommended dosage of laxative (imagine the Yellowstone supervolcano erupting out of one's rectum for nine hours straight) I wouldn't wish the laxative prank on my worst enemy. It's very, very easy to severely dehydrate in that situation, and if we're talking the usual 'prank dosage' (i.e. an overdose) it can become life threatening very quickly. However I'm sure you experienced that firsthand. tl;dr: enjoy your magma bruh