Intimacy: Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went...

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 358

You deserved it 5 091

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 4 141

So close…

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 385

You deserved it 9 636

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 498

You deserved it 8 045

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 3 779

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 3 185

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 382

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 24 351

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 6 753

DKjazz 20

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

I just love the wording of this FML.

sunnyt 5

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?

Comments

mrnuleef 7

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:14

Thats a major boner kill

racerapj 10

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:10

You don't say?

therealslim 15

Sunday 15 July 2012 10:59

Yes, he does say.

MissIconic 8

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:14

Not much of a dream girl if you ask me :)

theslimshadylp 6

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:15

Better back out of that

Enslaved 36

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:16

Be glad you stopped. You won't always be a virgin but she'll always have warts! :P

DKjazz 20

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:31

I like the way this comment is worded.

Feared 9

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:44

37- calm down, and try enjoying semantics over syntax.

panda_burrito 2

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:45

Actually, genital warts are curable. You may be thinking of genital herpes which is uncurable

fuzz97 23

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:37

"You're enjoying that comment incorrectly. Let me show you how to do it right." -46

citymayer 7

Sunday 15 July 2012 9:26

Uncurable isn't a word. You meant incurable. The more you know! :D On second thought, it's highly likely it was a typo.. But just on the off chance it wasn't, the correction still stands.

jellycorn 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 13:26

Incurablinosity!

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Sunday 15 July 2012 17:03

Genital warts is a cause of the HPV virus, thus is not curable. Try again :-)

FlyingPie 17

Sunday 15 July 2012 18:51

160 - Diseases don't cause viruses, it's the other way around. The HPV virus is a cause of genital warts.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Sunday 15 July 2012 19:30

I said that HPV causes genital warts, did I not?

babycakesxx 11

Sunday 30 September 2012 5:12

It is actually curable

cloth101 5

Sunday 25 November 2012 22:12

Oh my gosh. Just to clear this up: HPV virus is incurable. Once you have it you have it. The physical manifestation of the genital warts, however, are 'curable' by the means that they may only flair up once in your whole life and when/if they do you can do certain things to get rid of them, e.g. Freezing them off. You can have the HPV virus with no symptoms at all. So to conclude: HPV = incurable. Warts = curable.

kieferr 8

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:17

I hope you bailed brother. Find another beautiful woman and save yourself.

JustKittyKat 24

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:17

I am so happy you were smart enough to stop! Good for you! :)

hockeyoceancity 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:34

Well i think his boner just dropped the second he saw the warts along with his image of his "Dream Girl" so i don't think it was hard for him to say no!

CanCann 16

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:19

That's why I make my partners show me their std testing paperwork BEFORE we get busy. You'd be surprised at how much more you can be sexually when that "what if" factor is removed.

isaiaah 6

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:20

Yummy. Extra protein!! Still the girl of your dreams?

icychill10_fml 6

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:59

I love your name. I wonder why?

FlashBurn 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:20

Would have topped it off if it was that time of month too. Hey, everyone needs to get laid! Though I can't say shit I guess. I haven't yet, but by choice.

br0ccoli 14

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:35

By choice? What's the reason. Just curious.

hockeyoceancity 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:36

70- You're 14.

FlashBurn 13

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:44

STD's, children, personal values, just that. I've had my chances, just haven't taken them. Just waiting until I find one that I want to stay with or might be worth marrying before I go that route. Given my age, they're kinda hard to find. Though Texas women have never really been my style and too many of my friends just keep getting screwed over by their girlfriends. Maybe I'm just too patient, lol.

Syneriam 7

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:00

74- And you're 17, Now that we got that out of the way please do tell me what his age has to do with anything. He never implied he was having sex (which if he was/is it's none of our business really) he just said that he respected his decision to wait, but it was not his exactly. I though he was just stating his opinion, but correct me if I am wrong.

dcg1375 7

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:17

Oh teenage rumors...gotta love them. No girl has had to have their stomach pumped for swallowing too much semen. Worst case she would vomit it all up. But you are looking at over 20 guys that have been saving up for awhile.

br0ccoli 14

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:17

81 - I was surprised that you're open about it. It's good that you stayed true to what's right for you. Good luck finding that special girl :) 97- I wouldn't believe everything you hear. Her stomach most likely got pumped because of the alcohol, not the semen. I really hope 5 guys didn't **** into her mouth. Thinking about that just makes me sad.