Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe....

This is the pretzel recipe I used. http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2012/12/25/30-minute-whole-wheat-pretzels/ As for the play dough it's 2-3 cups of flour, 1-2 cups of water, 1 cup of salt, and 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil.

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Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

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Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

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Random

Today, my boyfriend was truly upset because I refused to pee on him. FML

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Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML

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Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

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Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

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Today, while dreaming, I was thirsty and grabbed a glass of water to drink. The taste was so horrible that it caused me to wake up and realize I was drinking the isopropyl alcohol I keep on my nightstand for my CPAP machine. All Poison Control had to say was, "Uh oh." FML

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Today, to get my wife off my back, I introduced our two single friends who are both into QAnon. Not only did they not click, but now they both call us regularly to embellish the insane difference between their beliefs and "what that moron believes." Same words from both of them. FML

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