Kids: Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed...

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 061

You deserved it 6 253

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What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 182

By myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 3 963

By Noname - 09/03/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 038

You deserved it 6 077

Bad babysitter

By cantprovenothing - 18/04/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 631

You deserved it 48 862

By TCRII - 19/01/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 3 857

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 754

You deserved it 7 597

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 954

You deserved it 4 647

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 568

You deserved it 6 206

Can't handle my drinks

By Anonymous - 06/02/2025 07:00 - Philippines - San Jose del Monte

Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 753

Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 626

You deserved it 4 923

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

Sounds like a fair payment.

Soloman212 28

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.

Comments

EsotericAura 25

Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:57

Haha, win.

dragonmaster43 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 4:46

Jack Dagneils!! eh? eh? no? :D

ZeroIce 12

Monday 26 September 2011 22:09

love your son ^3^

CabbageTrees 13

Wednesday 26 October 2011 21:37

Did you let Ke$ha babysit your kid? 0.o

Ibeasdes 2

Saturday 24 December 2011 12:40

not really an fml, but very funny.

Iamnumberfourfan 1

Wednesday 15 February 2012 4:00

Good for her. She deserved to be peed on cause shes an irresponsible bitch

onlyoncamera 0

Saturday 21 April 2012 5:35

ATTA BOYY!

beenebaby 4

Wednesday 25 July 2012 7:52

Hooray for the kid!

Sarvin 0

Friday 16 November 2012 1:32

I would called the cops and laugh as she sat in prison covered in piss.

jessica53139 10

Friday 28 December 2012 23:17

The baby sitter deserves it!!!

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You deserved it 140

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I agree, your life sucks 40 620

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I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 228

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I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 203

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I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 102

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 692

You deserved it 3 014