Kids The zoo - FML

The zoo

margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

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Do a backflip!

Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

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Flash, ah ah!

Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

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Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

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No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

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Impressive

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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Face your fears!

birdsterrifyme - - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML

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mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

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In my way

Anonymous - 19/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML

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birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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Sunday 26 April 2009 13:57

I think they planned that one out. Lol owned

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

sophiepento 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 9:23

next time dont consider your pets as kids crazy lady

Olaf_Sierpinski 0

Monday 4 May 2009 1:18

that'll teach you to keep yer parrot away from yer scurvey dogs

pearldrum1 0

Monday 4 May 2009 7:07

Well that is what you get for being a pirate.

Pekoe 0

Monday 4 May 2009 8:45

It was all a plan... >.>

MiaFleur 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 18:42

Your pets don't like you very much, do they?

cosmolatte 3

Sunday 24 May 2009 22:17

#8 LOL. HA!

PredyJessica 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 4:39

sureee knocked unconscious...riiight!

yati 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 18:48

lol you okay ?

junkinmahcranium 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 0:43

Shiver me timbers, that's gotta hurt yar noggin!

ivals 3

Wednesday 10 June 2009 4:03

do you live in a zoo?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my husband is a chef and now he has Covid, he's so desperate not to lose his senses of taste or smell that he’s started gargling vodka to kill the virus in his throat faster. He’s even started squirting it up his nose, then crying because of the pain. I give up. FML

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Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

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Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

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Today, I told my mom that I'm bulimic and have been for a few years, and that I needed help. She responded by saying, "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia?" She then patted me on the head, smiled, and walked away. FML

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Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

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Today, I discovered my ex has been signing my email up for various newsletters. I knew I was getting a lot of spam, but didn't know why. It became apparent when one of these emails had his name in it. FML

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