Awkward, Cooking Intimacy The medium is the message - FML

The medium is the message

adam - 15/02/2010 02:16 - United States

Today, I made heart-shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

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CryoSpectre - 11/05/2015 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

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FMAhole - 12/02/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

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yummy(: - 31/10/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

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IwishIwashigh - 01/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

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lisahb - 19/06/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

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Cake day

wakinginvegas87 - 05/09/2010 15:49 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

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Fake it til you bake it

Nathalie01 - 23/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML

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RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

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Rocks

Anonymous - 05/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML

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Anonymous - 09/05/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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Laurendorcus 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:40

Okay, so you are not a professional cookie shaper, but its the thought that counts and thats really sweet of you. maybe it'll help remind your gf that although hearts are great, you're hoping she'll concentrate on your d*ck tonight. :-)

null_fml 11

Monday 15 February 2010 9:42

Tell your girlfriend "I made them shaped like something you'd recognize," with a noticeable wink, and see which shape she thinks it is!

avrpatsfan 0

Monday 15 February 2010 16:19

oh no your life sucks because she is an immature ****

rubix910 2

Monday 15 February 2010 16:27

is this even an flm? this is just flat out halariouse lmao

spaceydude 0

Monday 15 February 2010 17:34

DICKERDOODLES!!!

blackllama 0

Monday 15 February 2010 17:49

Please tell me what the problem is with dick cookies?

candycane1373 0

Monday 15 February 2010 17:51

dick shaped cookies arent that bad maybe itll put her in the mood (;

WalmartBagz 0

Monday 15 February 2010 17:52

Maybe you should be more careful while shaping your cookies.

KurouTenshi 0

Monday 15 February 2010 18:21

now she can have a tastier version of your favourite thing to put in her mouth :D

MjSmittys 0

Monday 15 February 2010 18:34

sour dough anybody o-o?

pfunk129 1

Monday 15 February 2010 19:09

milf

spaceydude 0

Monday 15 February 2010 19:37

this reminds me of a penny arcade strip

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I realized my parents are pretty much single-handedly responsible for all of the mental illnesses and personality disorders I have now. FML

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Today, not even a month into the new semester, I have a hearing at the Dean’s office for academic dishonesty. My classmate and “friend” who I’ve been doing online quizzes with at home (considered cheating) decided to throw me under the bus, all because I wouldn’t let her borrow $100. FML

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Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

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Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

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Today, I went to see a doctor because of some blood in my stool. Not only is the matter embarrassing enough as is, it turned out the doctor was a young, crisply dressed, extremely handsome man. I then had his finger in my ass for a check-up, all the while him being very nice about it. I'm still mortified. FML

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Today, I refused to manually count $64 in pennies from a customer, because I would hold up the line and I was one of three registers open. In fact, I advised her to use the Coinstar machine in the lobby. She refused, threw a fit and demanded my manager for being “incompetent”. I was fired. FML

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