Embarrassing, Cigarettes Health Smoking is so cool - FML

Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Doofus

Coykoi - - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

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The struggle

lizi - - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

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Dumbass

Anonymous -

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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Frostbite

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

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Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Jesska - - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

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Use the force

BlueMacaw - - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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Dude, what the…?

Anonymous - - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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Easily distracted

Jeanine - - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

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Bad hair day

Tony -

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

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Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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fmylifedam 0

Monday 2 May 2011 16:23

don't smoke then

xxxInsanexxx 9

Monday 2 May 2011 16:24

Burn! Get it? Yes? No, bad pun? Sorry.

kaileigh10 2

Monday 2 May 2011 23:21

my mom did the same thing, but she didn't smack herself in the face. you both deserved it.

missy76518 0

Monday 2 May 2011 23:26

yep. smoking is totally bad for ur health. thats not even the worst of it. u better quit now before u hear the words from ur doc. its too late now theres nothing we can do. those were the most horrible words to hear when they told my grandmother that before she died.

RobynL 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 0:11

I set my eyelashes on fire once

s10biker 1

Tuesday 3 May 2011 0:16

don't smoke idiot

gabiec124 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 0:23

you deserve it! you don't need to smoke your going to die

dmandeaunmec 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 0:31

smoking is dangerous...

u_mad_bro_fml 13

Tuesday 3 May 2011 0:47

LOL WTF

nlr 9

Tuesday 3 May 2011 0:49

its a sign/warning from your body: lungs heart brain muscles everything! quit smoking!

locacolloca 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 1:17

if ur stupid enough to smoke you deserve to get your hair caught on fire

Yreffoeg 0

Tuesday 3 May 2011 1:19

What a hairy face you must have.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been having an affair with another woman. He works with me and the woman also works in the same company. She is also married and is now 6 months pregnant. They are throwing a baby shower for her on Monday. FML

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Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

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Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

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Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

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Today, I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

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Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

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