Love, Awkward Confused Piece of piss - FML

Piece of piss

DogeToTheMoon - 29/05/2021 23:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, I wanted to either say, "I already did it, sweetheart" or "I already did it, baby" to my SO, but my brain had other plans. I started to say ,“I already did it, sweet baby” but I got to "sweet" and in a millisecond mentally switched words, so what I ended up saying was, "I already did it sweet peepee." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

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showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

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Puppy love

Anonymous - 03/08/2023 06:00

Today, I had a brain fart moment while asking out a cute guy. I meant to say, "When are you going to let me take you out for coffee?” but what actually came out of my mouth was, “When are you going to let me do you?” He turned bright red and I ran away, and I’m too scared to go back. FML

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whitecollar - 05/12/2012 02:43 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

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Babe 3: Pig on the phone

Anonymous - 27/01/2022 16:00 - United States - Stephenville

Today, I accidentally called my Dad “Babe” on the phone. FML

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Many such cases

Anonymous - 17/10/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I wanted to look clever during a work meeting, so I used a thesaurus to find a fancy word for “important.” I ended up calling a project "pivotal" but mispronounced it as "pee-votal" in front of everyone. FML

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tongue tied - 11/02/2013 08:57 - United States - Meadville

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

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Shelly - 14/12/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

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Dave - 19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

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Been there, done that

randomgirl - - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe." FML

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BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 30 May 2021 18:41

Watch out for those Freudian slips... you could fall in a puddle of piss.

Hannah Knight 5

Thursday 3 June 2021 3:52

This isnt an anecdote.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Sunday 30 May 2021 18:41

Watch out for those Freudian slips... you could fall in a puddle of piss.

Hannah Knight 5

Thursday 3 June 2021 3:52

This isnt an anecdote.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, and ever since my girlfriend insisted we needed a dog, our lives have been taken over by the little bastard. She can’t leave without him chewing everything from separation anxiety. He bites me if I so much as walk near him. Neither of us want him anymore but she feels too guilty to rehome him. FML

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Today, my husband is so strict that even on the rare occasion I get to leave the house alone, I’m not allowed to speak to men in any capacity. I can’t even go through a line with a male cashier or male bank teller and I have pay at the pump in case a guy is working at the gas station. FML

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Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

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Today, I cleaned out my husband's drawer. He had kept every love letter I wrote him for the past 7 years. I smiled, struck by how romantic he was. My bliss was short-lived as I realized that he had also kept every single love letter his other lovers wrote him while we were married. FML

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Today, I finally reached the age where me just being alive annoys my wife. She asked me during a movie if I “have to breathe like that because it’s so damn annoying.” FML

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Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

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