Miscellaneous Morning! - FML

Morning!

wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

97 267

4 690

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

32 246

3 299

jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

14 043

2 647

Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

45 296

3 664

My little friends

Annonymous - - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

26 804

2 025

Fear factor

Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

1 759

193

tiredmom - 07/07/2016 15:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

11 358

1 601

no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

52 989

4 787

mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

52 442

4 379

Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

3 863

301

Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

58 292

4 601

designedlikedice 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:00

At least you weren't awake while the roach was crawling down your throat.

Sonalis 9

Saturday 18 April 2009 1:58

Ewwwwwwwww is all I can say. That must suck.

ChelseaAnn08 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 22:58

Hmm...they say that you swallow an average of 2 spiders a year..........maybe the same applies to roaches?

lifezabytch 0

Monday 20 April 2009 1:49

wow, that ******* sucks.

Talkative1 0

Monday 20 April 2009 2:53

AHAHAHAHAHA The way you worded this made it all the more hilarious. FYL.

dmsheldon87 0

Monday 20 April 2009 19:09

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU WIN! YOUR LIFE IS ******! oh man, i can always count on fml to make my day seem not so bad

cinnamania 3

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:37

That's hilarious.

TastelessAli 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 8:14

Oh man, foul. I'm sorry.

PredyJessica 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:52

dam dam dam..that sucks...but maybe u didn't eat the roach u don't know!..(I'm giving you hope!)

XxJaydaxX 3

Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:46

That totally suck.. Irony- Their is a pest control ad as I type this. Haha WIth a roach on it.

buckweat420 0

Monday 20 July 2009 13:28

ROFL, This is a classic. OMFG! Who said you cant kill roaches?

iFruit 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 23:25

Up your bahooshkanana.

9
10
11
12
13
14

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I, a person who has graduated high school, encountered one of my high school teachers in public. The one known for her rampant ableism against me and tendency to get heated when people don't respond immediately to her when she talks. I've had horrible social anxiety for several years. Do the math. FML

380

243

Today, I went to get food. I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and all of a sudden it got hard to breathe. I realized it was a blueberry muffin, and I'm deathly allergic to blueberries. I looked at my friend, and she was laughing, saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

73 188

5 915

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

47 447

14 706

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

12 802

54 513

Today, I opened a new can of shaving cream. The moment I touched the top, the whole can emptied into my palm, and startled the crap outta me. I'm a whole lot more sympathetic to my first girlfriend now. FML

230

110

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

35 891

3 517