Sex Intimacy I'm coming! - FML

I'm coming!

anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Power moves

Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

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cj123 - 23/12/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

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katie - 25/05/2011 08:23

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

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lovely - 19/12/2011 06:43 - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

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shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

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Romantic afterglow

easyontheeyes1 - 01/05/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

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Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

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nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

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Nice outing

Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

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laury - 09/05/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

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babybubz 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 13:16

sooooo.. because fish breathe under water.. I'm gonna assume when you 'finish' you flap around all over the place? yeah you might wanna work on that..

wtgjeremy 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 12:22

tell her she smells like one

LRyuzaki17 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 22:28

lmao sorry dude

haralynn 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:24

ooooh thats funny

epicenur 2

Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:54

tell her you look pregnant

randy121 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 1:20

Face it man, u need to start excercising!;)

TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 2:07

hows that an fml? it would be an fml if you werent getting sex at all. moving on

sirhk 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 8:20

thats the "Oh Face" you know oh oh oh brownie pts if anyone knows where thats from.

Yankeepunk 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 11:29

wait after good quality sex dosnt everyone gasp for air. I mean you orgasim. and then you go back to normal. I dont know mabye im just a good lover =)

thedeadman64 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 3:25

do u???

mugiwara_fml 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 14:57

Well, the plastic bag on your head doesn't really help. :o)

classyshanny 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:03

that's kind of hot. just saying. bahaha.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I went to a nice restaurant with my grandfather, who kept telling me to be kind towards our waiter, as he was probably just starting his summer job. The same waiter who, as my granddad had probably forgotten, had brought us our food six months ago and was now standing four feet away. FML

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Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

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Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

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Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

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Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

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Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

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