Intimacy Good one, thanks

Good one, thanks

Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

32 720

3 045

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Denial

innocent - 06/01/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

44 390

3 366

rahrahcakes - 19/03/2012 07:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

33 829

12 822

Dickhead - 25/11/2011 15:02 - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

14 550

62 344

Get out

Kicked - 25/02/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML

393

305

Anonymous - 02/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

34 594

2 884

Message in a mattress

FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

37 346

10 035

Kinda cute

anon - 09/09/2013 15:15 - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

62 437

26 029

Good catch

Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

21 601

91 071

Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

1 929

349

Kinda sweet

cakegirl - 26/05/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML

58 477

3 822

redbluegreen 40

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:49

They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.

AlexRen 21

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:48

Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.

Mirorbo 26

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:53

There's a time and place for certain levels of humor. If the breakup was still fresh, then that's really a dick move on your parent's part...sorry about the salt on the wound.

MidnaLink 33

Tuesday 10 April 2012 4:42

Salt. More like jalapeno pepper juice

perdix 29

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:55

Your getting dumped meant a lot to your parents -- it meant Comedy Time! They get to have some merriment at your misfortune -- schadenfreude rocks!

McNerdyNerd 8

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:56

Humor needed OP :) sorry you got dumped, but it sounds like a joke and that they were trying to make you laugh and feel better..it sounds like something my dad and I would do to each other