Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML
Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML
Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML
Today, my parents told me that since I'm old enough to want to keep my baby, I have 30 days to find a place to live. I'm 15. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML
I smell some lazy ass in the area xD
make sure to prepare college funds for the cats