Thief Miscellaneous Get a move on!

Get a move on!

Anonymous - 09/06/2011 02:00 - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

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The definition of irony

Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

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anonymous - 10/08/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

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Cart Narcs

xXglycerinXx - 18/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom yelled at me for trying to return a shopping cart to the cart corral. She then forced me to leave it in the parking lot. FML

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Anonymous - 25/07/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

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SwimSquid - 15/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

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disappointment son - 19/05/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

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Anonymous - 16/08/2012 21:09 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

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Lost

Sam - 17/11/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my mom was on the phone while we went grocery shopping. Apparently, her phone call was more important because she just left me stranded in the store. FML

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anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

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me. - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

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abceasyas123abc 12

Thursday 9 June 2011 8:47

All for one and one for all..?!

cynthiaFTW 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 8:49

is it bad that i laughed REALLY hard at this?

MiSS_AmaNDa101 2

Thursday 4 August 2011 2:31

Lmfao! That's funny lol

Ketchup_Castle 30

Tuesday 30 August 2011 5:10

I know the feeling. My mother shoplifts from K-mart all the time.

DevaGolgotha 4

Wednesday 11 April 2012 4:37

Sue her.

tothenifty 1

Friday 21 September 2012 0:16

Ur mom is a bamf

workout1 5

Monday 22 October 2012 7:12

Good role model ya got there

nicholasj96 9

Monday 26 November 2012 22:48

If she tells you to run, why let the security guard drive you home ? -.-

momo3p 22

Wednesday 23 December 2015 13:32

That's amazing XD

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

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Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

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Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

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Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

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Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

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Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

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