Fishing Break Brake Fail! By FML Approved - 07/09/2017 03:30 Easy living isn't always easy... I agree, your life sucks 593 You deserved it 190 Share Tweet Share
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML I agree, your life sucks 806 You deserved it 2 003
Today, after my wife broke my heart years ago when she cheated, I then met my sexual ying, and developed a napalm relationship, but she lost her marriage and relies on me for everything. So now I have FOUR human beings relying on me. Nobody should say anything but I deserved it. FML I agree, your life sucks 219 You deserved it 1 632
Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 338 You deserved it 1 735
Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 54 092 You deserved it 19 180
Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 438 You deserved it 8 863
Today, my hubby and I realised that the most excitement in our lives this week has been watching how far the disabled spider that got shut in the door has made it around our bathroom. We were both watching all week and have only just told each other. No communication and spider voyeurs. FML I agree, your life sucks 733 You deserved it 253
Today, I showed up to a party. People kept offering me water, asking if I was OK. I didn’t even realize what was happening until I overheard someone say, “Look at that girl; she’s totally wasted!” The truth? I had stayed up late the night before doing laundry, and I was just really tired. FML I agree, your life sucks 413 You deserved it 92
Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 144
Looks like that car's sleepin' with the fishes.