Intimacy: Bad timing - FML

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 971

You deserved it 12 581

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Same thing different taste

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 381

You deserved it 7 208

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 495

You deserved it 4 154

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 713

You deserved it 12 221

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 449

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 021

You deserved it 14 604

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 9 726

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 18 815

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 557

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 057

You deserved it 4 689

Next

Top comments

TraceCase_ 19

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:14

Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders

a_cassie 4

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:04

that's kind of awkward

Comments

Flogsworth 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 20:45

OP, your username pisses me off.

hOcKeYjOcK23 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 21:22

dandruff shampoo?

XZero_fml 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 21:34

What idiot guy would even notice that while receiving a ********? better question. What guy would insult the girl giving him a ******** while she's giving it to him?

BlahBlahBenji 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 21:37

Ever heard of Head&Shoulders?!?!?

speedgay 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 21:41

How ungrateful

Mooshoo123 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 22:13

your both dirty

andres19 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 22:17

not really a blow is still a blow

Bcfrmkc816 17

Saturday 16 April 2011 22:26

What an idiot if he's not enjoying and returning the oral pleasure then you shouldn't do it again. I would say thanks at least and return the pleasure

LILCJ0725 1

Saturday 16 April 2011 23:09

OMG u retard given blow jobs is like eat shit

FlavaMash 1

Saturday 16 April 2011 23:22

lol

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Today, I was getting changed in front of my roommate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said, "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 037

You deserved it 59 041

Today, I realised I hate my life. I’m 17, married to a selfish douchebag, raising twin babies with him when I should be studying or hanging out with friends like a normal teenager, all because he “doesn’t like how condoms feel” and he couldn’t pull out in time. Oh, and I didn’t even cum that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 2 219

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 63

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 838

You deserved it 3 888

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343

You deserved it 4 672

Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to a man who took out all the peanuts from a packet, counted them one by one, then sorted them into piles of five. This went on for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 115