Love

Hot

Sucks2beme -

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

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Gamba

F your brackets - 26/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend is 34 years-old. We’ve been together for 5 years. He refuses to propose to me because “marriage is expensive” and “kids drain your wallet.” That would be understandable if he hasn’t spent the majority of his paychecks on March Madness. FML

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No third base for you

Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

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You what?

Anonymous - 26/03/2023 04:00 - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, I went to park with a guy I've been infatuated for a long time. We got into his car and found a lovely lonely spot. Then he started talking about kinks, and I noticed that he had a gorilla suit in the back. FML

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Multitasking

misc - - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

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Surprise!

Anonymous - 25/03/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I got up early to make a surprise breakfast in bed for my partner. As I was carrying the tray into the bedroom, I tripped and spilled the hot coffee all over them. We ended up in the emergency room so they could take a look at the burns I caused. FML

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I'll have the Catfish

Anonymous - 25/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to a bar for a first date with a guy I had been talking to online. It turned out he was actually my ex-boyfriend in disguise, trying to get revenge for dumping him. FML

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Date night

Anonymous - - United States

Today, my fiancé and I planned a romantic movie night. Champagne, popcorn, romantic comedy. Then his friend decided to show up and they've been talking about first generation Pokémon ever since. FML

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Stealthy

Anonymous - 24/03/2023 04:00

Today, I was on a date with a guy and we decided to go see a movie. As we were walking in, I saw my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend. I tried to avoid them, but my left heel got caught in a crack in the pavement and I fell face-first onto the ground. My ex and his girlfriend saw me, laughed, and walked off. FML

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One can only hope

sadgirl -

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

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Might as well make the most of it

what the actual fffff?! - 23/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, grateful that my husband has been helping out more around the house, I figured he’d hired someone since he hates cleaning. What I wasn’t expecting was that he hired some chick in skimpy/kinky underwear that he found on Craigslist. Apparently the “lingerie cleaning service” is a thing. FML

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Dodged a landmine

Anonymous - 23/03/2023 12:00

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom, but she decided I was “unsuitable.” I hoped he’d be on my side. Nope, he just accepted her word as law, broke up with me, and pushed me outside. He'd driven me there, so I had to find a bus in a city I’ve never been to, in the dark, without a coat. FML

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Spillage

Anonymous - 22/03/2023 06:00

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

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Fight clubbed

Anonymous - 22/03/2023 02:00

Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML

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It's the thought that counts

Anonymous - 22/03/2023 00:00

Today, I drove two hours to secretly buy an antique book my wife has been looking for for 30 years since her childhood copy was lost in a house fire. There was one other guy there interested in buying it, we were both cash buyers but with one difference: I was the one who forgot his wallet. FML

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Here's your login details

Anonymous - - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

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Gripes and strife

Jordan - 20/03/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend was griping to me about being late for work. When I pointed out that she wouldn’t be late if she didn’t rely on someone else for a ride, she bitched me out about being “unsympathetic.” Did I mention she refused to learn to drive? FML

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Get out of my dreams, get into my car

Potatoe - 20/03/2023 10:00

Today, the man of my dreams who I met online and have been exchanging messages with day and night for weeks asked the dreaded question: “Can you send me a full body pic?” It’s been 5 years since I had a guy hit me up. I weigh 300 lbs and look like a potato with legs. I don’t wanna lose him. FML

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Great start

Anonymous - 20/03/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

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Superficial chud

Saggy - 20/03/2023 04:00

Today, I was ready to get intimate with my husband 7 months after giving birth to our son. He always made excuses as to why he couldn’t. Our marriage was on the rocks because of this, so when I sat him down to talk he admitted that to save this marriage I need to get a “tummy tuck” and a “breast lift.” FML

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Commited

Anonymous - 20/03/2023 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask out my crush, only to find out that they're already in a committed relationship with my mom. FML

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Tonight, on First Dates…

Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

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Flustration

Anonymous - 19/03/2023 18:00

Today, I got flustered by the gorgeous sandwich artist at Subway and ordered a “meat-long foot-ball.” On Rye of course. FML

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Surprise!

Anonymous - 19/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML

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Forever single

Bridget Jones? - - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

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Feeling betrayed

Dayanna - 19/03/2023 00:00

Today, my best friend refuses to attend my wedding, all because I’m marrying her ex. He left her for me but didn’t cheat. We just fell in love and he had the decency to leave the relationship before starting to date me. She refuses to understand that no matter how hard I try to explain. FML

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Assumptions

Anonymous - 18/03/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I tried to impress my crush by ordering food in his "native tongue." He looked at me weirdly and said, "I'm from Ohio.” FML

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Golddigger

back to cock-hunting - - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

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Tommy Liseau

Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

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Agony aunt

ShouldHaveLeftEarlier - 17/03/2023 12:00

Today, I didn't realise that after leaving my ex for someone else that I would need to be a therapist for all of his friends. He was such a garbage human being that he not only drove his friends away, but they all contacted me because I was the only one who "truly understood" how self-absorbed he was. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

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Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

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Today, some guy punched me square in the face for bullying him through high school. I had no idea who he was, and he was angrily yelling for what I once did to him in teacher X's class. I never had teacher X. Then he realised we didn’t even go to the same school. Mistaken identity = my busted nose. FML

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Today, I was watching TV in my living room while my wife was cooking. I began to smell the aroma of her potato soup, which made me hungry. Suddenly, I realized that the smell wasn't my wife's cooking but was in fact my body odor. FML

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Today, my dad invited me to a bar that turned out to be a brothel, because “it’s pathetic that I’m still a virgin and it’s past time I just get it over with.” I’m not a virgin, I’ve just never been with a woman because I’m gay and still haven’t told my family. FML

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Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

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