Love

I mean, technically you can still do it…

Anonymous - 09/09/2022 00:30

Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML

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Jack…

Alliente - - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

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It's not me, it's you

SingleLoser - 08/09/2022 00:00

Today, I ran into my ex at the mall. He’s married, with a 2 year-old. Three years ago he ended our 6-year relationship because he said he didn’t believe in marriage and kids. Sorry for not being good enough to achieve those things with. FML

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Sketchy

Jen - 07/09/2022 21:30

Today, my fiancé broke up with me, because he was mad I was worried about him due to him not answering me for ten hours. FML

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To each his own

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 07/09/2022 19:00

Today, I found out my awesome new boyfriend loves a show called Happy Tree Friends, about cutesy animals dying horribly. When I say "loves", I mean he masturbates to it. I'm running very fast and very far away now. FML

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Vicariously

Luca - 07/09/2022 05:00

Today, I've been so starved of any and all physical affection in my 25 years of life, I got aroused from seeing someone cuddle up to my Final Fantasy XIV character. FML

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Guilty

Rickymyass - 06/09/2022 21:30

Today, I caught my husband saying, “Love you too, can’t wait to see you” on his phone. I asked him who he was talked to and he said, “my coworker Ricky.” When I asked to see his texts with “Ricky” he threw his phone out the fifth story window, saying “Oopsy!” He then threw a fit saying I owe him a new phone. FML

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Pining

akvan - 06/09/2022 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm obsessing over finding out anything about my ex. A month ago, I finally deleted his number from my phone, but if I'd known it would just make me start obsessing over him again, then I wouldn't have deleted it. FML

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Let down

Reaper - - South Africa

Today, after weeks of agonising, I told my best friend (who I am madly in love with) that I loved her. She said, "Me too, you're like a brother and a best girlfriend rolled into one!" FML

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Horndog

Kimberly - 05/09/2022 23:00

Today, my now-ex bf actually gave me the, “If we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything” speech when I caught him commenting “Soooooooo sexy! I’d hit that 24/7/365” on a girl’s photo on Facebook. FML

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Not so subtle hint

DumpedLikeADUmp - 05/09/2022 20:30

Today, I come home from work to my bedroom to find all my husband’s stuff gone. There was a note in the dresser, with his wedding band, that read, “I hope you can take a hint. Sorry.” Not only was I dumped, and I can’t locate him anywhere, but I now have to cover his part of the mortgage which I can’t afford. FML

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Juicer

Anonymous - 05/09/2022 18:00

Today, while I was gambling at a casino, my daughter call me. Then added her mother. And then added her dance teacher, my side piece. The call got so loud the Pit Boss had to escort me out. FML

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Now you tell me!

IdPreferNotThanks - 05/09/2022 15:30

Today, my fiancée told me I'm not her type, and that my touch is repulsive. We've been living together for over a year, and have been together for over four. FML

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Premature

Anonymous - 04/09/2022 19:00 - United States - Paris

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at dinner, which would’ve been nice if we hadn’t been dating for only two months, and dinner was at Subway. FML

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Red flag

Anonymous - 04/09/2022 22:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after we went to my family reunion. I heard him complaining that I didn't have any "slutty cousins" he could cheat on me with. FML

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Better off

Elliz - 04/09/2022 02:00

Today, I was stalking my ex-husband’s Facebook. He looks so happy with his new, supermodel-perfect girlfriend who he left me for. She’s everything I’m not. I kinda regret giving birth to two kids and my body changing forever. He’d still be with me. FML

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Overly attached girlfriend flashback

girlonthe19thfloor - 03/09/2022 23:30

Today, my boyfriend got hired as a customer service agent at an airline. I'm full of anxiety ever since, because he has a cheating past. I then find out he has to fly out to Texas for two weeks training, and to top it off its all girls in his team. I don't want him to wanna go join them for city exploring, or food and drinks. He’s mad at me for it. FML

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Romance is definitely dead

bri_sci94 - - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

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Not a good start

Anonymous - 03/09/2022 04:00

Today, I accepted that I've fallen in love with someone completely amazing… but they live over 3000 miles away. FML

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Just dependa things

Anonymous - 02/09/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML

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Fragile

HashiManGo - 02/09/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "she used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML

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Toxic waste

Anonymous - 02/09/2022 06:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

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Three's a crowd

Kimberlie - - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

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Memory hole

George - 02/09/2022 00:00

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

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Embarrassing little secret

FML - - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his roommate finding out I'd spent the night. FML

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Guilt by association

Anonymous - 31/08/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my partner is pissed off at me because someone sent me a meme she disapproves of. As if I have any control over what people send to me… FML

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Fight!

Anonymous - 31/08/2022 06:00

Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML

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Weird family

Anonymous - 31/08/2022 04:00

Today, my cousin tried to hit on me. I told him that was inappropriate and pushed him off me. He was offended when I went to tell my folks. All they said was, “That’s fine. You should’ve let him.” Um, what? FML

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McLovin

Anonymous - 30/08/2022 22:00

Today, I was buying a specific expensive wine for my wife’s birthday, but the guy suspected I was buying it for some underage girl loitering outside, and threatened to call police. He’s a specialist wine merchant and the only guy I can buy that wine from in 100 miles. Her birthday is in two days. FML

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Florida man

Divorced - 30/08/2022 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with another woman in our couch. When I gave him the mother of all verbal lashings, he asked me, “Oh, you didn’t get my text?” The fucker actually announced he wanted a divorce over text message. He was serious. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years-old and pop like an arthritic 50 year-old. FML

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Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

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Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

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Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML

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Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

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Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

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