Kids

By SomeDJ - 12/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 115

You deserved it 46 916

This is what TERFs believe

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the kids got in a fight so my wife told our son boys shouldn’t hit girls, even if his sister is older and bigger. What happened next? He put on his sisters dress, claimed he’s a girl today, then hit his sister in the face with an iPad blacking her eye. I have no idea how to parent this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 244

By pda - 25/08/2013 02:46 - United States - Short Hills

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 196

You deserved it 4 707

Not happening

By Kape pa tayo! - 18/05/2025 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom shoved a document for me to sign. It's pretty much my will, leaving everything to her boyfriend/fiancé's 11 year-old son, who is a bratty hell spawn of Satan. Before I could say anything, she said not to bother leaving anything to my adopted daughter, because she said if I die, she's going with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 76

Drama farmers

By Anonymous - 12/03/2024 12:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my dad lectured me because my mom cried herself to sleep last night. Why? Because I didn't want to watch a movie with her. I had to go to sleep to be up for work at 6 a.m., and was too tired to watch a movie in the first place. I live with drama queens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 113

Heated gaming moment

By Anonymous - 09/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's friend's dad, demanding I pick him up immediately. When I arrived, he marched me into the house and pointed at an Xbox controller lodged in the wall, informing me I'd be receiving the bill for drywall repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 217

Jam it in my ears

By missmom83 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from third grade and figured out how to play the highest-pitched note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of Ibuprofen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 617

You deserved it 5 677

By ggabrams - 17/08/2013 12:55 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 683

You deserved it 5 923

ggabrams tells us more.

ggabrams 14

Sunday 18 August 2013 6:39

He didn't give an excuse. I was laughing my ass off in the office though.

Home improvement

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 5 396

Tony Soprano?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - York

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 699

You deserved it 8 737

Living through this

By wander - 01/09/2022 04:00

Today, one of my classmates put hand sanitizer on my seat. I took one look at my seat and said, “You honestly believe I’m going to fall for that?” I then got laughed at anyway, because I’m disliked enough for them to do that. That’s right, I get bullied for being bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 14:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 518

You deserved it 3 068

By ouch - 24/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Sterling

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 383

You deserved it 3 353

Help yourself

By meghandix89 - 20/12/2016 01:35 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 882

You deserved it 758

My pleasure, lady

By Semius - 08/05/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 154

You deserved it 169

Outsider

By Anonymous - 05/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to a party for my surrogate mom. She announced she wanted a family pic, so her bio kids & other “adopted” kids crowded around her. I hung back, unsure if I was wanted. My mom called my name & waved me over. I walked over with a big smile on face, thrilled to be included. She asked me to take the pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 86

Love is…

By Anonymous - 16/05/2023 10:00

Today, I overheard my son tell his dad that he’s in love. Without pause, my husband told him it’s temporary, it won’t last, relationships are pointless, women only cause grief, and money in the bank keeps a man warm at night better than any woman with cold feet. I’m trying not to feel insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 272

Grief is weird

By Denni - 03/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 85

Well deserved break

By KarmaComeBack - 18/05/2021 17:01

Today, my brother told me that wanting a break by having one evening away from my son makes me look like a really bad mother. My son is three and hasn't been babysat since he was an infant, and I've been a single mum for the last 8 months. I just wanted some time to recharge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 171

Headshot

By PeterRabit - 25/07/2009 15:11 - Canada

Today, I was walking around in a park when I passed some kids playing soccer. One of them kicked the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily, I caught the ball, then I drop-kicked it, intending to say, "Go get it." Instead, it bounced off a nearby tree and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 882

You deserved it 47 239

The Bathtub Incident

By Katie - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 172

By sonwhy - 25/02/2014 00:51 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 7 274

By Anonymous - 17/01/2015 18:11 - Australia - Perth

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 509

You deserved it 6 313

By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 979

You deserved it 5 180

Best gift ever

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 14:01 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 221

Judge and jury

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 06:00

Today, I turned 18 and I’m now subject to adult discipline. My dad says I will no longer be grounded or have my phone taken away, but I have three strikes and if I get to three, he’s throwing me out to get my own house. He then gave me my first strike because I was 30 minutes late picking up my nana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 570

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 18:11 - United States - Portland

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 690

You deserved it 63 077

Baby steps

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 13:00

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 2 859

Ugh

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was, "Ugh". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 557

Bad connexion

By Anonymous - 04/08/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, for his birthday, I bought my son the Xbox game he wanted. Seven hours for the game to install, two hours to download, then install an update, which failed twice and had to be restarted. He was a nightmare all afternoon waiting for it, then it was bedtime and the game still wasn’t ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 153

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at my job in a pub, I was cleaning the pub garden ready for closedown. There was a girl crouched on the floor under a table. By the time I'd realised what she was doing and turned around, she'd already finished, apologised, and left me to clean up her piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 486

You deserved it 671

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 3 077

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 777

You deserved it 26 723

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 029

You deserved it 12 760

Today, I told a story about a new mother naming her daughter after the first thing she saw moments after she was born. The group admins accused me of lying, with absolutely zero proof, and deleted the post. The story is 100% true. My mother and I witnessed it with our own two eyes and ears. Fuck these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 212

Today, my stepmom noticed that I lean more to one side when I walk. I'd never noticed this. I've had right hip pain and both my parents agree this was to compensate for that. I've also been doing stretches for a few days but they haven't helped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 72