Intimacy

First time

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 00:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 266

Sorry for what?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 21:30

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 177

I've seen things…

By chantelle - 12/03/2021 11:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up early and went into the kitchen to get a Monster, and my dad was getting head from his girlfriend with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 219

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 02:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 187

Too passionate for me

By Mutton - 08/03/2021 17:01

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 115

Whistleblower

By WhoopsIDidItAgain - 08/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 132

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 375

Sharing is caring

By Eddie - 07/03/2021 23:00

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 142

My eyes! My eyes!

By bleach for my eyes please - 07/03/2021 17:01

Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 448

Nice timing

By hot girl - 07/03/2021 08:01

Today, I found out my husband was cheating on me while I was waiting in an ICU waiting room while he was getting brain surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 103

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 07/03/2021 00:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 308

Inactive

By inbogota - 06/03/2021 21:30 - Colombia

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 182

Worst threesome ever

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 11:02

Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch her" then, "I just wish [her ex] was here" and finished with, "OK, it's weird with you here, you can just go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 283

Kinky

By marysparklez - 05/03/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could remember, if I don’t take my showers sitting down, I vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 498

Bad, bad mom

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 16:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 107

Sex work is work

By Hopeful - 27/02/2021 11:01

Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems to be making thousands doing it, so why not? Turns out that the only people interested in my body are scammers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 487

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 385

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 08:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 218

Weird family

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 173

Benny Goodman classic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 195

Honest day's work

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 4 453

Desperate man

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 17:01

Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 226

Infectious laugh

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 00:30

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 462

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 23:01

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 126

Man of mystery

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 00:30

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 194

Starfish

By WhyBother - 21/02/2021 05:02

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 347

Time to ditch

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 19:58 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 181

Polyamory is complicated

By wtf - 20/02/2021 05:01

Today, I had amazing sex with my new boyfriend. Later, my husband told me I'd betrayed him, even though he had told me it was okay, because he heard it. I’ve been forced to hear to him through the thin walls of our house, having sex with my ex, for almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 2 366

Just ask

By Messy love life - 19/02/2021 08:01 - India

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 1 449

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 02:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 173

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was woken up from a dead sleep because a bug had fallen into my ear. I could hear it moving around in there, and it took me an hour with a blade of grass in my ear to get it to climb its way back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 302

Today, I was told to put away the new toilet paper rolls. I reached in the package only for my hand to get wet, and then noticed the yellow liquid at the bottom. My cat used it as a litter box. At least, I hope it was my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 511

You deserved it 397

Today, I added the wrong reaction to a Facebook post, using the laughing smiley instead of the hug, and only noticed two hours later, when my friend wouldn't talk to me because she thought I like found the fact that her dog died funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 309

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 229

Today, my mother gave me a reprimand for my table manners when I didn't ask for someone to pass the vegetables I could have gotten myself. She then let out a raunchy fart at the table, and had the nerve to yell, "Did you ask to be excused?!" as I vacated the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 100

Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 116