Awkward

What did I do?

By Gringo - 29/03/2022 22:00

Today, a gorgeous woman on a train told her friend she thought I was hot in Spanish, assuming I was a dumb gringo tourist. In fact, I speak Spanish fluently, my wife is Colombian, and she was standing right next to me. My wife can’t rationalize my street value, and made me sleep on the fold out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 258

Rites of passage

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 10:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I had to console a crying teenage boy, who'd realized he had been set up for a prank date at the restaurant I work at. All I could think about was how I used to set boys up on prank dates when I was his age. I had no idea how damaging it actually was on the receiving end, and now I can't stop hating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 2 850

Republicans scrap child marriage bans

By what year is this?! - 27/03/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out my 17 year-old cousin is getting married. My hyper religious family swears my concerns are just “masking” my jealousy. Yeah sorry for thinking such a young person, who is still a child, should have her own life before making such a huge decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 182

Understanding

By Vince - 27/03/2022 12:00

Today, my parents told me they won’t be attending my wedding, all because my fiancée is the woman I cheated on my ex with and left her for. What they fail to understand is that people and hearts change. It wouldn’t be fair to remain by my ex’s side while being in love with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 2 697

Mommy's best boy

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 04:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 201

Dealbreaker

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 09:00 - Pakistan - Multan

Today, I was talking online to this guy, and everything was great. He then sent a voice message and his accent was a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 1 279

Freuding intensifies

By toomanypills - 26/03/2022 17:00 - United States - Easton

Today, I'm in 12th grade and came home from school to find out my mother had someone over to have sex while I was at school. She's not had sex my whole life, so the uncomfortable feeling it gave me is different than anything I've felt before. She's been single by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 1 557

Strauss would've been proud

By Jobless - 26/03/2022 14:00

Today, at a company event, there was a break. The Blue Danube was playing. Bored, I absentmindedly start singing, “My butt is ugly” to the melody. I forgot that my mic was on and the whole auditorium heard. Not only was I sent home, but my boss wants to “discuss” it on Monday at the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 1 169

Trading places

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 135

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 00:01

Today, I had to go cap in hand to my father-in-law to ask for a loan so I could pay the mortgage, so now he thinks I’m a useless bum who can’t support my family. The truth is it was his daughter the gambler who wasted all our savings, but I can’t bring myself to upset him by telling him the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 299

Crushed

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 08:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I found out that my husband’s friend has been secretly obsessed with me for months, and was even writing poems about me and reciting them to people. I’m scared to find out anything else. It's so creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 96

Poor old Johnny

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I treated my adult daughter to a vintage record player to celebrate three months of sobriety. Now whenever her boyfriend comes over, they crank up the volume on my old vinyls, and I now have to associate Johnny Cash's "Get Rhythm" with them screwing like rabbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 346

So, have I got the job?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Beaverton

Today, I had my first job interview after three years of unemployment. I was so happy that I broke down into tears the moment I saw the interviewer. Great first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 120

You deserved it 6 695

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 00:01

Today, my ex messaged me on Facebook, wanting to be friends with benefits. I’m married now, and he just found out his wife is expecting. She discovered the messages, and I’m now the “home wrecker.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 109

Maternity leave

By Anonymous - 24/03/2022 04:00

Today, we were so desperate to be parents, we've had IVF twice until our son was born. I was not ready for just how much I would hate him. I physically detest my son. I didn’t want to hold him when he was born, he makes my skin crawl when I breastfeed and I barely look at him. Messed up, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 644

Play your cards right

By ShinobiForLife - 23/03/2022 18:01

Today, I realised that I keep both Naruto collecting cards and a condom in the same pocket of my wallet. Nothing says sexy quite like dropping a bunch of Gaara cards before getting it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 195

Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 22:00

Today, my son's school actually called me to complain that despite his excellent test scores, he spends too much time reading, and has a wilfully overactive imagination, so could I please get him to stop ''reading and imagining'' so much, as it makes him hard to teach. Are they taking the piss? They must be taking the piss, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 111

The Jack Nicholson look

By jake - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 009

You deserved it 22 712

Boo! Get better material!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I recently met. He was quite funny throughout our meal, so I came home and told my flatmate all about him and the stories he'd told me. My flatmate said, "Hang on…", pulled out his laptop, and showed me some videos. All my date's jokes were stolen from Ricky Gervais. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 158

Teacher X

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, some guy punched me square in the face for bullying him through high school. I had no idea who he was, and he was angrily yelling for what I once did to him in teacher X's class. I never had teacher X. Then he realised we didn’t even go to the same school. Mistaken identity = my busted nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 105

Looks nice, I guess

By shia - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was, until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 199

You deserved it 22 300

NO RAGRETS

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 18:00

Today, my wife, a married mum of three boys, with a full time job, and a mortgage, burst into tears because, “Five minutes ago I was 20 years-old, getting high and drunk, with oodles of money” and, “What the hell happened to my life?” Gee, I never knew I ruined her life so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 363

Classic TSA FML

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 09:59

Today, out of my mom, dad, and my siblings, I was the only one selected for a “random” extra check at the airport. My parents are English and my siblings were adopted from France and Scotland, and are all white. My bio parents were Pakistani, and I'm nutbrown and I was the only “random” search. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 223

That stinks

By help me - 19/03/2022 16:00 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I’m stuck in a small office with a colleague with one of the worst cases of BO I’ve ever come across. He has already been spoken to about it, and I’m developing a nauseous headache from the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 75

The more you learn

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 00:01

Today, I learned why my boyfriend always jokes that I'm 'autistic'. I thought it was just a strange inside joke. Turns out that he truly believes I'm a part of the 'special-education' community. Even worse, after a fair amount of research, I'm convinced he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 315

That one hot friend

By Stillicide - 18/03/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found out the guy I’m in love with has been side-messaging one of my closest friends about hooking up for sex. This isn’t the first guy this has happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 215

Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 14:00

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend bought me a sword from a TV show called Game of Thrones. He seemed disappointed at my reaction, since he spent so much money on the limited edition version. I've never watched the show, and I also have never had any interest in swords, so I don't know what he was thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 146

Sudden dip

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 17:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were out for dinner. We were talking over the noise of the restaurant, when suddenly it got quiet as he shouted, “I can’t wait to fuck you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 336

There's more than one subject available

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 07:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I realized how bad my social skills are when I finally landed a date with my crush. We sat down to lunch, and I asked her what her favorite Marvel movies were. She gave a flat, "I don't like those movies." and we deadass sat there in silence for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 922

Nap buddies

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 16:01 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I found out that my father is telling people that we sometimes sleep with each other, meaning it literally. He knows the figurative meaning of that phrase, but insists that “not everyone has a dirty mind.” Thankfully, since I’m an adult he won’t get into legal trouble, but still, ewww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 188

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 974

You deserved it 1 114

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 425

You deserved it 3 196

Today, my parents asked me if I was sure I didn't want to join them on a family trip tomorrow with my sister. I was never invited, and unlike the rest of the family, I have a full-time job where I can't just take days off with no warning. This is how they announce most "family trips" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 72

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 879

You deserved it 3 136

Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 3 939

Today, I went to deposit a check, only for them to accidentally deduct the whole thing from my account. I didn't notice this until I went to buy groceries, after the bank had closed. I'm in negative numbers and will get an overdraft charge by the time I can get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 104